Lots to say, but...

I've been gone so long! I keep making half-assed updates and I feel terrible for it, but I'm probably going to do the same thing right now, LOL.

I went away on a backbacking trip in a few countries in Europe and had a blast. Put on some weight. I've basically been putting on and shedding the same ten pounds since January, which is really frustrating. But I think I am finally out of that hell. Unfortunately I have to abandon carbs for a few months. I'm doing this bet with a few friends of mine and the winner gets $500. That's a college class, yo. My body seems to really like the no carbs. Unfortunately that means I can't run for three months (the duration of the bet).

I bought myself a pair of size ten jeans today. I think I wrote about fitting into a pair in one of these entries; it must have been a big ten because these pants I bought barely close and I am back to the weight I was when I fit into the size 10's then. But then again, different jeans = different fit. It's okay because I didn't have any more goal clothing. I bought a size small men's shirt in Germany thinking it would be a goal shirt only to have it fit perfectly and then I tried on another size small men's shirt I had at home and that fit too, so go figure. Size is really relative. I am finding that more and more lately, as I have a wide range of pant sizes in my closet that fit and an even wider range of shirt sizes.

I won't really get into my Eurotrip here but it was so incredibly amazing. Even though I gained about 5 pounds of solid fat from eating carbscarbscarbs I regret nothing. The food in Europe is so amazing, especially in Germany. A fatty's Heaven, which is really weird because there aren't many fat people over there compared to America. Seriously though? If I lived in Germany I would weigh approximately 450 lbs. At least.

And now that I am rambling I will inform you that I plan to make a youtube update sometime soon.

low carb

I started eating low carb today. I'm supposed to stay within 30-40g of net carbs a day (carbs overall minus fiber) but I ate 56g net carbs. I would have been okay but I was really short on time and needed to eat something during my workout so I had a special k protein bar which was 19g net carbs. Not good. I kept my calories just under 1,400 though so I'm pleased with that. Hopefully I will start seeing results....

I have a 25 hour shift starting tomorrow....so I'm going to need to pack all my food after I get back from the gym. 

The low carb thing is so tough, but if I see results I will be happy. Maybe this is what I need. I hope I do better tomorrow. I need to stay under 40g.

Weight lifting

So I changed my gym membership so I can go to the gym every day and I've started lifting weights to progress in what I can lift so I build more muscle. It's sort of an intense bodybuilding type program.

But I think all that's going to happen is I will get bigger but the fat won't melt away.

I've tried doing weights I can do 20 reps with and I just plateaued that way. Didn't feel like I was gaining muscle OR losing fat.

Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Relapse

I was seriously eating cupcakes every day. Every. Day. For like two straight weeks while I was sick. 

I finally cut myself off. I've been pretty stressed out. I've gained a good ten pounds and I'm really upset because I'm almost back to the weight I was at the beginning of February.

I just cried a little because I restrained myself from getting cupcakes after work.

School needs to be over now. x.x;

C25K training all over again

So I'm training my mom's journey to 5K-ness. We went out this morning at 5:30 to do her first 25 minutes of jog/walk intervally goodness. With our dog. Which is promising because I would love to run with Sophie on days where I don't have a running partner. Also, I am really excited to run a 5K with my mommy! It feels good to inspire people. I wish my sister would run too. When I ask her to start with me she avoids me like I'm going to give her The Running Flu instead of the swine flu. LOL.

Imagine running being contagious?

Last night's Biggest Loser Marathon challenge got me so hyped up. I wanted to run a marathon right then and there! I think I will have to wait a while though because of my friend's knee. For now I want to enter a lot of 5K's and get faster. 

I did it!

It poured the ENTIRE time, my pace sucked because I wasn't going to take off from my friend (her knee started killing her at about mile 5 so we run/walked it), but it was, for the most part, fun despite the things stacked against the race actually being fun. Sometimes with running the fun part is the misery. If you don't understand....you're probably not a runner, and therefore probably semi normal. LOL. 

But yay! I has medal! And sore legs. I just had the best shower of my life. Port-a-potties make my soul cry.

We were running ten minute miles until mile 5! Oh, what could have been. But I'm happy we did it together. I grabbed both my friends' hands as we ran across the finish.

Race ready!

The lawn of racing accouterments! Leaving at 5AM...I need to sleep! So nervous/excited. I'll let you know how it was. 

4 days 'til 1/2 Marathon

Now that it's hot out I splurged and got myself an iPod armband. It's pink and cute and supposedly $2.5o went toward breast cancer research so there's my good deed of the day, especially considering I got the results of a breast sono I did a few weeks ago and though I have lumps in my breasts, they are not cancerous. Good news for me! I didn't really mention it until now because I didn't want to talk about it really. 

I've never been in a BIG race before so I am nervous as all hell but I think it will be a blast. I will have to update sometime during the week with my running accouterments. 

Guns

I wore that dress today! And I didn't start a fire with my thighs, LOL. 

Utter Hell.

I was SO happy. It felt too good to be true. I should have realized....that usually means it IS too good to be true. 

Nabisco graham crackers. I have been really stressed out lately and also really short on time and sleep. I just came upstairs from watching Biggest Loser, taking time out of my sleep schedule to do so...and I've had about 11 graham crackers today in total, which I thought was only 2 crackers above one 130 calorie serving. Turns out I read the Nutritional Facts wrong. That "just over a serving" I had turns out to be 5.5 servings, which is 715 calories. I have eaten 10-11 full cracker sheets at least 4 times in the past week and a half. No wonder I am up a crazy amount....and I also just realized there is partially hydrogenated oil (trans fat) in the ingredients, plus corn syrup. 

No wonder I have been weighing 180 or 181 in the mornings. I have honestly been feeling so frustrated lately. 

I worked 3 hours on a diet analysis project of which 1.5 hours was spent on this program...and when I went to save the .pdf files onto my flash drive the computer in my school's library just shut off and restarted, wiping all my data. This is on top of realizing I am averaging a C in that course despite working my ass off and despite that class being 3.5 hours long...it's a once a week course...but STILL. 3.5 hours to sit still in a chair and take notes is an incredible task for me. 

I feel like crying. I think I'll go and do that. These next two weeks are going to be hell. 

Half Marathon Trial Run!

I finally figured out how to use the nike plus webpage (after a whole MONTH of having the sensor, lol). In my defense, I had cookies enabled and I didn't realize nikeplus.com doesn't like firefox, and I have a mac so I had to make safari my preferred browser. OMG, the web features makes it EVEN BETTER! I am in so much love with this thing you have nooooo idea. I love love love that you can see how fast each mile was. I'm a little confused though--it told me my fastest mile during the 13 miles was 9'53 (!!) but it says 10'49 up there. Oh well! It's still pretty awesome. It allows me to see how fast I run over a long distance. Apparently I run pretty evenly, which means that I have a good perception of effort. 

Stats for 13.1 mile run:

Time: 2:29'28"

Avg pace: 11:23 min/mile

Calories: 1750

My favorite song to run to as of late? "Till I collapse" by Eminem, which...like...whatever..I hate Eminem, but it is SUCH a good song to run to. Gets shit pumpin'!

We had to stop several times during the run because the farthest one of my running partners has run before was 9 miles and her legs were hurting badly at some points, but we are tapering now (only doing elliptical and light mileage) and we are hoping and praying for sub 2:15. It is definitely possible. 

Update

My recent subscription to Today's Dietitian, my new wallet, and my new stainless steel water bottle. Dandelions! <3

Damage control is in the works. I have gained like 7 pounds in the last few weeks due to stress, overworking myself, and getting sick. When I don't run, even for a week, I gain 5 pounds instantly. Not fair. But I realized once I got my nike plus sensor that my base mileage is 14 miles and, depending on my long runs, I am running 20-32 miles a week. I didn't even realize I was running that much! No wonder I can eat about 2,200 calories without gaining weight. I haven't been tracking calories over the past week, but there has been definite binging....

I cannot seem to get my act together food-wise. I'm thinking of re-joining weight watchers, but I don't know how helpful it will be. I just wish there was an environment where I could talk to a bunch of people on my fitness level who are losing weight face to face. I am getting so frustrated! I know I will lose a lot of weight this summer, though (I usually lose the bulk of the year's weight in the summer), and at least that is sustaining me. I am not very pleased with my eating though. I cannot seem to eat under 1,800 calories for the life of me.

The other day I ran ten miles and then did a full body workout, including a lot of work on my legs. I am an idiot! I can barely walk down the stairs in my house. My quads are KILLING me! Work tomorrow will be interesting. LOL. We are going to Atlantic City with our house residents. It should be fun but tiring and I hope the legs will hold out.

The good news is that I am prepared for the half marathon! We are doing our last training run this weekend. Actually, it's a trial run. We're going to simulate the half marathon and then take off two weeks from running, replacing our week runs with the elliptical. I'm getting really excited! I love getting free T-shirts from events, and even more, I love getting MEDALS. lololol.

D Day approaching

Three weeks until my very first half marathon, the RexCorp Long Island Half. I'm nervous! The farthest distance I've run has been 12.5 miles. I know it shouldn't be a problem and I'm not looking for a certain time, but it's still nerve wracking. My family will be there. It should be a lot of fun. :)

Reality check

Tonight I watched Biggest Loser with my mom, which made me really happy because I usually just watch it by myself because no one wants to watch it with me or I have it recorded with the DTV and watch it after my gym sessions (beautiful invention, the DTV). Anyway, so Nicole comes back, right? And she's trying on a wedding dress in a size 12 and I was telling my mom "wait...so I'm around her size?" and she looked pretty small to me...and I felt like I looked much much bigger. I told my mom as much and she looks at me and tells me, "you're pretty small now, Sarah". That made me feel pretty good!

It was weird...when I fit in those size 10's my friend's comment was "you're going to be a size zero when you're done". I have smaller hips than she does, so even though I weigh 25 more pounds than she does (and I'm 2 inches shoter), I'm still around her pant size. I told her I didn't feel like I looked like a size ten. I look in the mirror and still see a size 20 body. It would be nice to have my brain catch up already. XD

size ten!!!!

Today...

my ass fit in a size ten!

I tried them on for shits and giggles, wondering how far I had to go. They fit PERFECTLY. It freaked me out! I did a little dance in the fitting room.

I didn't get them because they were 30 bucks and I always have to hem pants (I am so so short), and I just got a few pairs of size 12's, one I bought and one I got hand me down from my friend who's also losing weight. I'll get some new pants when I'm a size 8. I'm so excited! When I was a size 24 I thought I would stop when I was a size 10, but now that my goal is to be a hardcore fit gym rat I'm not stopping until I'm 15% body fat. Currently I'm still around 36-38% body fat.

I CANNOT believe I am a size 10!

Down 80+ pounds!

I haven't weighed in a while.

I just hopped on the scale.

174!!! 5 pounds to the 160's? CRAZY.

I am down 82.4 pounds :) I am losing weight so painfully slowly, but...that's just how it's always been for me. I am convinced it's better this way because I will keep it off.

My size 12's....are BAGGY on me. That simply blows my mind, to tell you the truth. And I bought a watch last week....which I had to take to a jeweler so that I could have links taken out because my wrist was too small for the watch.

I'm getting a broccoli rabbe panini to celebrate. LOL.

Update

Sorry I've been sort of MIA. School, work, and other things have sort of prevented me from being at the computer. Most of the time I'm just too tired to write anything.

I've been doing well, though. I got myself a nano iPod and nike plus and I am loving it. I did an 8 mile run last Saturday with it and I am happy to report that I averaged an 11 minute mile, completing the 8 miles in 1 hour and 29 minutes. When I did the Chris Hoban run in September of 2008 I averaged a 12:32 min/mile and I completed the 5 miles in an hour and 2 minutes. I'm not sure if that's a big difference, but I'll take it. :)

I can run an 8.0 on the treadmill for over a minute. That, to me, is pretty cool. On an incline, as well. Hm.

I'm going to a muay thai class on Saturday. That should be fun. Wheeee. I was told I wouldn't be able to move after it.

Yoga, Half Marathon Training

My yoga class is KICKING my ass. Actually, it's killing my quads more like it, which is good because I have some super thunder thighs. I will happily murder them, haha.

Who's over the winter? I am definitely trying hard not to drag my feet around. Every time it's a nice day I bring out my new Spring purse. Desperate much? Though, after the spring comes the summer, and I have some not-s0-fond memories of puking gatorade like no one's business when it was 95 degrees and I had just run 5 miles.

I am soooo sore from Wednesday's speed work + yoga. 45 minutes of going from speed walking to all-out sprints? No joke. Possibly harder than running 10 miles. 2 hours of yoga? Serious business.

I'm doing the Long Island 1/2 in May. Yay! About time, huh?

I love my job. Everything else in my life, including friends, is stressing me out recently, though. This is strange for me.

I am getting sick of the strict bodybuilding diet. I think it was too many calories for me. My personal trainer dumped me. I have a lot of things to stress out about now that Bio class has started. I want things to be less complicated than they are but wishing and wanting only makes me depressed. I want to go with the flow more, though...it just isn't happening and I don't know why.

Stressstressstressssssssssssssssssssssss.

I am 179.

I am starting to feel run down from how hard I am trying to trick my body. I am also starting to resent running....If I run, I maintain...If I don't, I gain. There is no loss. My body has gotten used to running, so I may as well just not even count it as exercise.

Protein woes

I went to my local supermarket today and was brainstorming more ways of getting in more protein. It's tough when you don't like meat too much. I'm not a vegetarian, but I sort of eat like one. I've just started eating deli turkey for the protein and it's actually not bad. I've started to look forward to my sandwiches, actually.

I'm having a really tough time transitioning to this type of diet. Sometimes I swear I have borderline OCD, which I will not really go into because I'm obsessive in a lot of areas of my life, but change is incredibly hard for me, and this is a really big leap from how I was eating. I lost 70 pounds by eating the things I love in moderation...so if I wanted ice cream, I would have it...just have less. Well, this diet plan is very very strict. I am not allowed to cheat AT ALL until I get down to my goal weight. I am sure life will intervene and I will cheat somewhere, but then I will have to get right back on track. I have a lot of willpower...but that is a tough thing to accept. Eating the way I did, however, contributed to my excess skin problem (too many carbs contributed to my daily intake, not nearly enough protein). So any time I cheat I really have to think about the damage I already made and what I have to do to correct it......it really feels like punishment a lot of the time, though.

I've been feeling incredibly bitter for the past few weeks. What I have to keep reminding myself, though, is that I am not like everyone else. Many people can eat whatever they want in moderation and keep losing weight....but not me.

So I bought a bunch of high protein things at the supermarket and hopefully I will lose something next week. I've decided to train with the personal trainer for another two months and see where that takes me...after that...I'll see.

Frustrated

I have not lost weight in two weeks. At all. I am fluctuating between 179.5 and 181.5 and I am frustrated, depressed, and stressed. I am paying so much money for this trainer..we are currently playing around with my calories, and he wants me to drink a gallon of water a day now...religiously...I am getting tired of waking up at 5:30am, doing so much exercise...and then not dropping a pound or even losing some body fat. I am in a smaller jean size but the body fat is still the same and so are my inches. I do not get that at all. What the hell is going on? I have wanted to scream all week. I just keep thinking that it's not fair that I have to work this hard and I am not seeing any results. I realize I have not been doing this for that long...but I expected, at least, to see my body fat drop a bit...if not the weight. I don't get why the first week I dropped 6 pounds...then the second and third week I dropped not a damn thing, weight or fat...

Am I just stressing about nothing? Right now I just feel like I am wasting my money...160 bucks a month is not cheap...and sometimes I feel like the trainer doesn't really care about me as a person....then I wonder....I had to stop taking my birth control....so i've been without a hormone regulation for two weeks now....and it coincides with my inability to lose weight....and I have severe menstrual issues without the pill....I don't know...I am just sick of being fat and I want to be done already...I don't understand why I am having such a hard time. I work my ass off..

size 12!

I am officially a size 12 in multiple pairs of jeans now. I was stuck in between a 12 and 14 for a while and I was tired of the sag-ass. No more sag-ass for now! LOL.

Material Culture

I forgot my Shuffle in the pocket of my workout hoodie from Saturday and fucking WASHED it. Now, of course, it doesn't work.

Fucking balls. Oh well, I'm just going to get a really cheapo mp3 player for my runs, then. Same shit, cheaper than a Shuffle. The thing that sucks is that my mom got it with her work discount from her old job and she put the inscription "Run Sarah Run" on it. I hate attaching sentimental value to things, but I do it a lot. I have a hoodie from 8th grade that I've held onto even though the zipper is sort of broken (and it fits like it fit in 8th grade now, whoo) and I have kept a Renaissance Faire t-shirt that my father got me when I was eleven. It's been a little hard to part with some items of clothing as I've lost weight and they've gotten too big for me....I still have the dress I wore to my father's funeral/graduation, but I did give up the pants that I bought in Spain. I loved those pants, and even though they were a size 22 I wore them until I was a size 16 even though the fabric gathering at my waist from the belt cinching was ridiculous, LOL.

Giving away clothes is a fairly recent thing for me, as I was the same size for a long time. I started gaining weight in the middle of 8th grade and by the middle of 9th grade I was a size 20 and remained a size 20 until a few months before I went to Spain. I lost some weight accidentally in Spain and then when I got back I gained 50 pounds the last two years of college, mostly due to stress eating and severe depression...and that's when I became a size 24. Actually, I stopped wearing my 22's and wore sweats and knew I was probably more than a 22, and then when I had to get a dress and pants for my father's funeral that's when I became aware of how big I was, compounded with the fact that my family was utterly shocked at how big I had gotten. But anyway...yes, the point is that material things shouldn't be a big deal but they sometimes are, which is a bit sucky.

I get my first paycheck on Thursday. 200 of those dollars goes to Cintia for paying for the trainer for both of us and a haircut for my sister at the same salon I went to (she paid for mine last week and our deal was she would pay for mine and I would pay for hers). The rest will go to a watch my mother has been lusting for and refuses to buy for herself. It feels really good that I can do things like this now!

By the way, I was really excited the other day because I looked in my full length mirror and saw more definition in the backs of my arms and even some definition in my BACK! I can see my scapula now! I have never seen my scapula before! It's almost as exciting as when I started to see my collarbone, which I show off constantly now. ;)

Dumbo

The other day I went to Bagelicious, a deli I go to on the weekend to get bagels for my mother and sister. I happened to be there with my sister and Cintia, and one of the guys behind the counter takes a look at me and starts asking me how much weight I've lost, because he said he was enjoying watching me lose it, which was a little strange but I was flattered I guess so I told him how much I lost and Cintia tells him how much she lost (it was pretty empty in the store).

I never know what people are going to say. This guy...I KNOW he meant well, but he told me, and I quote, "you were a real dumbo."

Ok, I know I was really big and now I'm not so big, but does that really give you license to say that? It really offended me for some reason. I know I shouldn't care, especially because I'm not that size anymore....but...I don't know...I don't think people really understand what it's like to have been that big. People say things all the time--little things--that rub me the wrong way about obese people. I'm still obese, and I'm right there...be a little more sensitive. I feel like people really believe that they have a RIGHT to treat overweight people like crap. I'm sorry, but I am 20X healthier than most of the "skinny" people I know.

Valentine's Day

Today I gave myself a little treat and got my hair cut. Nothing major--just a layer job and a sidebang but WOW, what a difference.

I hope you all had wonderful Valentine's days! I usually treat today as "just another day", but why not do a little self love? I'm single...why not?

179.5!

I checked it on my scale 15 times. It's true!

I have lost 6 pounds this week! I get weighed in with my trainer on Sunday, but he weighs me with my sneakers on, so we'll see what it is.

I was a little depressed in the beginning part of the week. I've been trying on some things, hoping they'd feel a little looser, and to my dismay they felt tighter around my thighs and arms. Then my friend pointed out to me that I've been weight lifting, so duh my clothes would fit tighter in those places. I am down a notch with both my belts, so that makes me happy.

It's kind of surreal, being this weight. I know I still have a long way to go, and I know that the last 50-60 pounds will be very difficult, but I don't think I ever thought I'd e at this number when I started. Hell, I was starting to think that my body didn't want me out of the 180's. I will say, I thought I would look a lot better at this weight than I do, but part of that has to do with the loose skin.

Like most people who have lost a significant amount of weight, everything below the shoulders looks like crap on me (I can pick up my stomach and hold it up near my ribcage), but at least I've got some delts going on! I may save up for surgery to remove excess skin...scary thoughts...we'll see how this all comes together. I'm losing weight nicely with the trainer. Turns out I was eating way too little for what I was doing. Weight Watchers is just not good for people who do vigorous exercise/strength training, and I've been frustrated for months (maybe even a year?) with Weight Watchers and the leaders at my center because they kept telling me I could only eat 4 of my activity points. It's kind of depressing, because I like WW a lot, but I lost the first 70 pounds with WW so I am happy--I got a lot out of it, but now it's time to evolve. Like a pokemon. I suppose I was Sars and now I'm....The Sarsinator. XD

Scale

I saw 181.5-182 on the scale today. Let's hope that sticks and goes down tomorrow. :3

My Daily Eating Plan

My daily eating plan has me consuming a crazy amount of protein. Over 200 grams. And almost 2,100 calories. Today I'm consuming around 1,900 and 200 grams of protein. Lots of chicken, eggs, and yogurt. Hopefully the weight will just fall off now. My trainer told me I wasn't eating enough, and I was only getting 50-60 grams of protein, 80 at the most.

Writing things down really gives me a headache, especially if I have to do calculations, so I better see results. ;)

Met with the trainer today.

Apparently I didn't lose anything, but GAINED body fat, which doesn't even make any sense. :(

Need to gain a pound of fat real quick?

http://www.baskinrobbins.com/Nutrition/product.aspx?Category=Beverages&id=BV309

Srsly, that is outrageous. 900 calories from fat?! How is that justifiable? It's not!

Ridiculousness aside, I've been a busy little bee lately. School, job, workouts. I started training with a personal trainer recently. It's only once a week that we meet up, but he gives homework and focuses mainly on nutrition, plus I can text him on his cell whenever if I have questions or concerns, and it's only $35 a week. I can do that. Hopefully. I really want to get my body fat down. It's 38.5% as of now, but by the end of the year I want it to be at least 20. We'll see.

progress?

I see a difference...do you?

I was looking at myself in the mirror earlier and I was shocked. My body has changed in the past few weeks. Not much is showing on the scale, but I know things are shifting because I look tighter. I used to be very much an apple, and now I think I look almost proportionate.

I love that shirt, btw. I think I can almost wear it out at this point. Shirts are always a strange thing. Even if it looks nice from the chest up, I have to go up a size because of the loose skin around my tummy. When I suck in I see baby abs, though! Which is very promising!

Motivation, Success, and Helping People Realize Dreams

Yesterday was a really great day. I started out kind of sleepy, kind of unwilling to go out to the gym and push myself to do my 6 mile run, but it ended up being a really positive experience.

Me and my friend Cintia, we're best friends and we always push ourselves to be better people. She's an amazing person and I am happy that I have her in my life. Without her, and without you guys who are there supporting me, I don't think I would have gotten as strong-willed as I am today.

Well, now we've kind of taken it on as our mission to help people around us who want the help. Cintia's sister Maggie has started running and going to the gym with us, and last night when we did the 6 mile run, she came with us. She's gotten to 5 miles before, but she's never run 6 miles, and that last block we all ran together was really awesome and it felt really rewarding to see her smile and tell us that we made a difference and pushed her to a new level. Her boyfriend's sister might even start running with us. We'll be signing up for a half marathon in May soon, and I'm excited.

I had a great idea the other day when I was walking home from this training program for work. I want to run and raise money for the place I work for. It's called The Guild for Exceptional Children, and it has a number of day programs and housing facilities all geared toward the care and education of men, women, and children with developmental disabilities. I'm in the very beginning stages of going around to friends and family and talking about it, but I hope it can become a reality.

My resting heart rate :D

I haven't done one of these in a while. :) The first time I checked at this machine my resting heart rate was about 80 and my blood pressure was a little over normal.

Hardcore

Holy crap. For the past few weeks I've been doing things like running when it's 10 degrees with a windchill in the negatives, or running while it's snowing (it's warmer while it snows), and pumping iron. I'm wondering if my arms have any definition yet. One of the things I want to happen with the lifting of weightage is for my arms to shrink up and look tighter. We'll see! I am excited though. The guys at the gym are impressed with me and my friend. Pretty awesome. At first I was apprehensive about the gym, but now I love it, especially if my friend is there and we trade off doing machines or using the free weights. Now that I'm more familiar with things I feel less weird. That machine that works your inner thighs will always make me feel weird though, sorry. LOL.

I felt so energized after running while it was snowing last night. Especially when I was going downhill and it felt like I was flying through a magical forest. I was running by the golf course, and with the snow accumulating on the branches everything looked sparkly. Absolutely breathtaking. You should all try it. Dress warm, though! You'd be surprised how little you feel the cold if you push yourself hard enough and have something that covers your ears and hands. :)

Unofficial celebration!

I am unofficially down 75 pounds. I've been here before (before the holidays), but I am going to stay here and go even lower this time! 170's here I come! I've been in the 180's for MONTHS now.

got it!!!

I got the job :)

Spoiled Brat

Yay, I just got back from the gym. :) I have to pat myself on the back because I was fiddling around with the bars today. My friend can't lift anything heavy or run until Sunday so we haven't started lifting together, but I've started acquainting myself with which machines work for me and which don't and how much weight I have to start out with. I also started running again, though I'm still not 100% and it's going to take a little while to get back to where I was. Most of it is mental, though. I can feel myself holding back.

I have my second interview tomorrow, so I'm excited/nervous, but word is that everyone who works in the home is saying that I am starting, so that means I got the job, I think. The interview might just be a formality for the manager to meet with me. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle it...did I bite off more than I can chew? I don't know. I guess I'll see. I can't psych myself out before I even start. That's not a good way to be. I just know it's going to be very difficult, especially with school. I have never worked and gone to school full time before and I'm a spoiled brat. The idea of having so much responsibility with these people who are going to be counting on me is scary. There, I admit it. XD

Momentum

That's the title for Weight Watchers' new program, and it's what I'm building back up now.


I weighed in Saturday at my center at 186 pounds. I've gained three pounds since November, which really isn't that bad considering I haven't been running very often and eating too much. I was maintaining until the end of November hit and with all the end of semester stress and the holidays those three pounds crept back on, but I look at it as a victory because this time last year I had gained ten pounds back, threw my diet out the window for finals, and had to struggle to reel myself back in. How beautiful it is that I have learned how to maintain!

I'm mostly over the flu now, and I went to the gym twice last week despite still being stuffy and achy. I'm glad I went. I got a little familiar with what's there and how to do things, and now the real fun begins. LOL. My friend is going to weight train with me. We do everything weight-loss related together. I love her to death. I don't talk about her a lot because she's not really an Internet-type person, but she's been a wonderful friend and supporter. I was doing this on my own until she started with me and she's lost forty pounds. We run together and now we're doing the gym thing together.

I'm excited about this new year. Things are starting to fall into place for me. I feel like I've matured so much in these past two years, but particularly this past year. It's amazing to me; I'm so proud of myself.

My friend (the same girl I train with) went with me today to fill out an application at a center for the education and caretaking of those with mental limitations. I'm not exactly sure what the correct word for it is, but I know what the wrong words are. I met with a few different people today and I got an immediate interview. It looks like they need people and the woman who hires really liked me, so she said I'd be a good fit at one of their homes. I would have loved to be a substitute at their school for special education children, but I have crazy school hours next semester. If I do get it, and I strongly think I will, it will be really tough next semester. School, gym, eating right, and caretaking. Sounds crazy to me, but I think I can do it if I work hard and don't let myself slip in any one thing. 2009, the year I stop being lazy! LOL.

So, that's what's up with me. I'm meeting with the manager of the house I was fitted with on Thursday and if I'm liked, I'll do paperwork and get my background checked. All that lovely stuff. Wish me luck!