Friday, February 27, 2009


I have not lost weight in two weeks. At all. I am fluctuating between 179.5 and 181.5 and I am frustrated, depressed, and stressed. I am paying so much money for this trainer..we are currently playing around with my calories, and he wants me to drink a gallon of water a day now...religiously...I am getting tired of waking up at 5:30am, doing so much exercise...and then not dropping a pound or even losing some body fat. I am in a smaller jean size but the body fat is still the same and so are my inches. I do not get that at all. What the hell is going on? I have wanted to scream all week. I just keep thinking that it's not fair that I have to work this hard and I am not seeing any results. I realize I have not been doing this for that long...but I expected, at least, to see my body fat drop a bit...if not the weight. I don't get why the first week I dropped 6 pounds...then the second and third week I dropped not a damn thing, weight or fat...

Am I just stressing about nothing? Right now I just feel like I am wasting my money...160 bucks a month is not cheap...and sometimes I feel like the trainer doesn't really care about me as a person....then I wonder....I had to stop taking my birth i've been without a hormone regulation for two weeks now....and it coincides with my inability to lose weight....and I have severe menstrual issues without the pill....I don't know...I am just sick of being fat and I want to be done already...I don't understand why I am having such a hard time. I work my ass off..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

size 12!

I am officially a size 12 in multiple pairs of jeans now. I was stuck in between a 12 and 14 for a while and I was tired of the sag-ass. No more sag-ass for now! LOL.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Material Culture

I forgot my Shuffle in the pocket of my workout hoodie from Saturday and fucking WASHED it. Now, of course, it doesn't work.

Fucking balls. Oh well, I'm just going to get a really cheapo mp3 player for my runs, then. Same shit, cheaper than a Shuffle. The thing that sucks is that my mom got it with her work discount from her old job and she put the inscription "Run Sarah Run" on it. I hate attaching sentimental value to things, but I do it a lot. I have a hoodie from 8th grade that I've held onto even though the zipper is sort of broken (and it fits like it fit in 8th grade now, whoo) and I have kept a Renaissance Faire t-shirt that my father got me when I was eleven. It's been a little hard to part with some items of clothing as I've lost weight and they've gotten too big for me....I still have the dress I wore to my father's funeral/graduation, but I did give up the pants that I bought in Spain. I loved those pants, and even though they were a size 22 I wore them until I was a size 16 even though the fabric gathering at my waist from the belt cinching was ridiculous, LOL.

Giving away clothes is a fairly recent thing for me, as I was the same size for a long time. I started gaining weight in the middle of 8th grade and by the middle of 9th grade I was a size 20 and remained a size 20 until a few months before I went to Spain. I lost some weight accidentally in Spain and then when I got back I gained 50 pounds the last two years of college, mostly due to stress eating and severe depression...and that's when I became a size 24. Actually, I stopped wearing my 22's and wore sweats and knew I was probably more than a 22, and then when I had to get a dress and pants for my father's funeral that's when I became aware of how big I was, compounded with the fact that my family was utterly shocked at how big I had gotten. But anyway...yes, the point is that material things shouldn't be a big deal but they sometimes are, which is a bit sucky.

I get my first paycheck on Thursday. 200 of those dollars goes to Cintia for paying for the trainer for both of us and a haircut for my sister at the same salon I went to (she paid for mine last week and our deal was she would pay for mine and I would pay for hers). The rest will go to a watch my mother has been lusting for and refuses to buy for herself. It feels really good that I can do things like this now!

By the way, I was really excited the other day because I looked in my full length mirror and saw more definition in the backs of my arms and even some definition in my BACK! I can see my scapula now! I have never seen my scapula before! It's almost as exciting as when I started to see my collarbone, which I show off constantly now. ;)

Monday, February 16, 2009


The other day I went to Bagelicious, a deli I go to on the weekend to get bagels for my mother and sister. I happened to be there with my sister and Cintia, and one of the guys behind the counter takes a look at me and starts asking me how much weight I've lost, because he said he was enjoying watching me lose it, which was a little strange but I was flattered I guess so I told him how much I lost and Cintia tells him how much she lost (it was pretty empty in the store).

I never know what people are going to say. This guy...I KNOW he meant well, but he told me, and I quote, "you were a real dumbo."

Ok, I know I was really big and now I'm not so big, but does that really give you license to say that? It really offended me for some reason. I know I shouldn't care, especially because I'm not that size anymore....but...I don't know...I don't think people really understand what it's like to have been that big. People say things all the time--little things--that rub me the wrong way about obese people. I'm still obese, and I'm right a little more sensitive. I feel like people really believe that they have a RIGHT to treat overweight people like crap. I'm sorry, but I am 20X healthier than most of the "skinny" people I know.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day

Today I gave myself a little treat and got my hair cut. Nothing major--just a layer job and a sidebang but WOW, what a difference.

I hope you all had wonderful Valentine's days! I usually treat today as "just another day", but why not do a little self love? I'm single...why not?

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I checked it on my scale 15 times. It's true!

I have lost 6 pounds this week! I get weighed in with my trainer on Sunday, but he weighs me with my sneakers on, so we'll see what it is.

I was a little depressed in the beginning part of the week. I've been trying on some things, hoping they'd feel a little looser, and to my dismay they felt tighter around my thighs and arms. Then my friend pointed out to me that I've been weight lifting, so duh my clothes would fit tighter in those places. I am down a notch with both my belts, so that makes me happy.

It's kind of surreal, being this weight. I know I still have a long way to go, and I know that the last 50-60 pounds will be very difficult, but I don't think I ever thought I'd e at this number when I started. Hell, I was starting to think that my body didn't want me out of the 180's. I will say, I thought I would look a lot better at this weight than I do, but part of that has to do with the loose skin.

Like most people who have lost a significant amount of weight, everything below the shoulders looks like crap on me (I can pick up my stomach and hold it up near my ribcage), but at least I've got some delts going on! I may save up for surgery to remove excess skin...scary thoughts...we'll see how this all comes together. I'm losing weight nicely with the trainer. Turns out I was eating way too little for what I was doing. Weight Watchers is just not good for people who do vigorous exercise/strength training, and I've been frustrated for months (maybe even a year?) with Weight Watchers and the leaders at my center because they kept telling me I could only eat 4 of my activity points. It's kind of depressing, because I like WW a lot, but I lost the first 70 pounds with WW so I am happy--I got a lot out of it, but now it's time to evolve. Like a pokemon. I suppose I was Sars and now I'm....The Sarsinator. XD

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I saw 181.5-182 on the scale today. Let's hope that sticks and goes down tomorrow. :3

Monday, February 9, 2009

My Daily Eating Plan

My daily eating plan has me consuming a crazy amount of protein. Over 200 grams. And almost 2,100 calories. Today I'm consuming around 1,900 and 200 grams of protein. Lots of chicken, eggs, and yogurt. Hopefully the weight will just fall off now. My trainer told me I wasn't eating enough, and I was only getting 50-60 grams of protein, 80 at the most.

Writing things down really gives me a headache, especially if I have to do calculations, so I better see results. ;)

Friday, February 6, 2009

Met with the trainer today.

Apparently I didn't lose anything, but GAINED body fat, which doesn't even make any sense. :(

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Need to gain a pound of fat real quick?

Srsly, that is outrageous. 900 calories from fat?! How is that justifiable? It's not!

Ridiculousness aside, I've been a busy little bee lately. School, job, workouts. I started training with a personal trainer recently. It's only once a week that we meet up, but he gives homework and focuses mainly on nutrition, plus I can text him on his cell whenever if I have questions or concerns, and it's only $35 a week. I can do that. Hopefully. I really want to get my body fat down. It's 38.5% as of now, but by the end of the year I want it to be at least 20. We'll see.