Sars is gonna get RIPPED

Hey guys~

I'm not dead. Just busy busying myself, I guess, and feeling very hibernatey. I tend to get very depressed during the winter and so I keep to myself mostly. Working out is never a challenge for me as I can get it in various forms, but running has been a struggle lately, which sucks. My eating has gotten a bit out of control as well, but I am getting myself in order once more. I've gained a bit, but I'm sure it's just sodium from Thanksgiving. I've recently had to put two new holes into my belt. I remember when I first got this belt: it was right before the summer and I was on the first hole; it's a 2XL women's belt and now I've had to make two extra holes. I thought I'd be good with the first one, but I then had to make another because it wasn't tight enough. My size 16 pants all gather with fabric at the top of the belt now, so that's pretty awesome. My size 14's are even too big, but size 12 still doesn't feel right. I like my pants to fit kind of loose because I ride my bike in my street clothes, so size 14 and 16 it is until 12 gets a bit less form-fitting.

ALL of my pants give me the dreaded "sag ass" now, which is really very annoying; I just have no ass left over. My mother even commented on that the other day and she's not very observant, though I love her. Well, she's observant about the things I haven't done around the house versus the things I HAVE, but that's another story. Anyway, she walked past me as I was feeding our animals and she says to me: "You have really lost a lot of weight, you know; you have a tiny little butt!" Why it is that I continue to lose weight in my ass and not my stomach is a mystery to me; I could use a little more padding on my derrierre--for the pilates and biking if nothing else, but yes, for vain reasons as well.

Anyway, pilates has done my body good. I am so much more flexible now, which was an effect I wasn't really expecting, but then what is pilates but deeply stretching and flexing your muscles? Anyway, I was poking my sides the other day and to my surprise...I have muscle beneath the fat there. It's a strange experience to poke your side, go past the feeling of fat, and feel rock hard muscle. Maybe it's not so much fat but loose skin covering the muscle, which is disconcerting, but expected.

Also, I attempted 12 miles the other day again, and I was doing SO WELL. It was a great pace, my friend stuck by me, and then at around the middle of the 11th mile my entire leg seized up in the middle of the street as I was running across it and I almost fell flat on my face. I was like "I'm finnnne, I can walk this off" but it felt like a Charlie Horse and it would not unlock for another five-ish minutes; it was excrutiating. I took an ice water bath after my friend's boyfriend picked us up and I stayed over his apartment that night, which ended up being fun; I haven't hung out with her for a bit just to hang out. We're either in school or working out.

I've decided to join a gym; it's my Christmas present in fact. This will be good. I've started looking at weight lifting books and my friend's brother is willing to help us as he goes to the same gym. He's not a trainer or anything, but he is ripped and knows what he's doing, though I told him, "Look, we're girls. Don't go easy on us, but just keep that in mind." And because I'm joining the gym I'm going to drop Weight Watchers for a while.

Dude, I'm gonna get RIPPED. Hopefully.

LSD Run: 12 miles

I did 12 miles today. I had to speed walk most of it because all the parks had the water shut off and I only had 18 ozs of water and a 20 oz. gatorade. Besides that, my left leg was almost entirely numb and actually fell asleep (pins and needles) for almost the entire time. Actually, over all I did 13 miles of walk/run, mostly walking. Ran the first 5 miles, speed walked the rest. Had a better time in the end than I did last week running. I don't know what the hell is up with me, but I think I might actually be too overweight for these longer runs. I was A-OK up to 5 miles and then after that I started having problems. Meh.

If anyone here is also on YouTube for weight loss, I haven't posted because I've been focusing on reading and writing lately, and also getting my workouts in. My eating has not been so good but I've nipped it in the butt, hopefully.

Saturday LSD Run: TEN miles

My first run in the double digits sucked. The first few miles it felt like I was running on air and it was so lovely out at 6 AM. There was a fog in the air and it was actually pretty warm. And then at about mile 7 it started to feel like a huge struggle. I could barely move my legs by mile 9, but I kept running. I'm sure it looked like I was hardly moving. My pace was horrendous. I had to stop by my house to eat a banana and refill my water as the park has had no water in their water fountains for a week now. Grr. I also had to stop for cars and things, but still.... I'm looking at over a 3 hour half marathon if this is how I'm going to run it, and that is disappointing. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe the hills are just really hard on me, as it is SUPER hilly on the route I usually run on. It really wipes me out. I was posting much better times back in the summer when I could only run 3 miles tops. It was on the flat corkscrew track in the 90+ temperature, but still. I should be getting better. Sure, I now know I can hobble/run for almost 3 hours, but it's still upsetting. I don't just want to do things - I want to do them RIGHT. I suppose that's why I get so frustrated sometimes with my weight loss journey.

Now that I can run ten miles I can run a half marathon, but there aren't any half marathons within 50 miles for the next two months and the race schedule for next year isn't up yet. Boo.

I'm sure if I went back onto the track I'd be seeing 10 minute miles again, but the point is to train myself hard so that any race route thrown at me can be conquered. Still, ascending and descending all these hills really blows for my time and my confidence. I might as well be walking with the times I post...

It's strange. For a while I was keeping up right alongside my much slimmer friend who has been running longer than I have. I felt good about myself. Now she is wayyyyy ahead of me and no matter what I do I can't keep up for more than half an hour. I get much slower after I can no longer see her. I want to know why I was so much faster before and now I can hardly run?

This is frustrating. If I am running well, I am not losing weight. If I am running poorly, I am losing weight. Why can't I have them both?

Prefontaine

I just watched the movie Prefontaine while I folded all my laundry and did some sit-ups and whatnot. I thought I might get some motivation out of it since it was about a track runner. But it's so sad! He died in his prime.

The Greeks said it was better to die in one's prime than later on in life, especially if in your prime you accomplished great things. I can see that, I guess, but it's always so tragic.

One thing I did get from it was a reinforcement in my own determination. I finally stapled the NYC Marathon course ad that was in the November issue of Runner's World to my wall, just above my bed. It says "26.2 miles of heart". I will do this. If not next year (oh please!) then the next, but it WILL happen. Who knows what will happen after that?

This weekend I'm doing my first run in the double digits. Ten miles. Ten miles of heart and sweat and determination.

Two people died in the last marathon, and, call me crazy, but I thought to myself, "what other way would -I- want to go?" I mean, out of all the shitty deaths out there, dying after completing an endurance sport you never thought you could do is pretty much up there. That's what I think, at least.

Winter Running

My running pace has been reallllly slow these last two weeks. I find that I am just a lot more tired during these months. A lot lazier and depressed too. I'm fighting it. Still.

At least I get a break from running tomorrow. Running twice in a row these past two days has been really "ugh" inspiring. Still, I push through it because I know it needs to be done. When it comes down to it, I love running. I hate it at times, but most of the time I love the very idea of it and what it's doing for me, so it's all very worth it.

I saw the marathoners off yesterday on 86th street and 4th avenue, about 2 miles from the start. It was really fun and I can't wait to participate, hopefully next year.

Weigh in: November 1st, 2008

Last week: 186.8
This week: 183.0
Difference: -3.8!

Almost out of the 180's. I can taste the 170's and I want it bad!

I am so excited to watch the marathon tomorrow. We're going to cheer the runners on, my friend, my mother, and I. I can't wait until I can participate!

If you need some motivation to run, rent or buy Spirit of the Marathon. It was amazing.