Sars's Journey to the NYC Marathon

Lots to say, but...

2009-07-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

I've been gone so long! I keep making half-assed updates and I feel terrible for it, but I'm probably going to do the same thing right now, LOL.

I went away on a backbacking trip in a few countries in Europe and had a blast. Put on some weight. I've basically been putting on and shedding the same ten pounds since January, which is really frustrating. But I think I am finally out of that hell. Unfortunately I have to abandon carbs for a few months. I'm doing this bet with a few friends of mine and the winner gets $500. That's a college class, yo. My body seems to really like the no carbs. Unfortunately that means I can't run for three months (the duration of the bet).

I bought myself a pair of size ten jeans today. I think I wrote about fitting into a pair in one of these entries; it must have been a big ten because these pants I bought barely close and I am back to the weight I was when I fit into the size 10's then. But then again, different jeans = different fit. It's okay because I didn't have any more goal clothing. I bought a size small men's shirt in Germany thinking it would be a goal shirt only to have it fit perfectly and then I tried on another size small men's shirt I had at home and that fit too, so go figure. Size is really relative. I am finding that more and more lately, as I have a wide range of pant sizes in my closet that fit and an even wider range of shirt sizes.

I won't really get into my Eurotrip here but it was so incredibly amazing. Even though I gained about 5 pounds of solid fat from eating carbscarbscarbs I regret nothing. The food in Europe is so amazing, especially in Germany. A fatty's Heaven, which is really weird because there aren't many fat people over there compared to America. Seriously though? If I lived in Germany I would weigh approximately 450 lbs. At least.

And now that I am rambling I will inform you that I plan to make a youtube update sometime soon.

low carb

2009-06-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

I started eating low carb today. I'm supposed to stay within 30-40g of net carbs a day (carbs overall minus fiber) but I ate 56g net carbs. I would have been okay but I was really short on time and needed to eat something during my workout so I had a special k protein bar which was 19g net carbs. Not good. I kept my calories just under 1,400 though so I'm pleased with that. Hopefully I will start seeing results....

I have a 25 hour shift starting tomorrow....so I'm going to need to pack all my food after I get back from the gym.

The low carb thing is so tough, but if I see results I will be happy. Maybe this is what I need. I hope I do better tomorrow. I need to stay under 40g.

Weight lifting

2009-06-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

So I changed my gym membership so I can go to the gym every day and I've started lifting weights to progress in what I can lift so I build more muscle. It's sort of an intense bodybuilding type program.

But I think all that's going to happen is I will get bigger but the fat won't melt away.

I've tried doing weights I can do 20 reps with and I just plateaued that way. Didn't feel like I was gaining muscle OR losing fat.

Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Relapse

2009-05-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

I was seriously eating cupcakes every day. Every. Day. For like two straight weeks while I was sick.

I finally cut myself off. I've been pretty stressed out. I've gained a good ten pounds and I'm really upset because I'm almost back to the weight I was at the beginning of February.

I just cried a little because I restrained myself from getting cupcakes after work.

School needs to be over now. x.x;

C25K training all over again

2009-05-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm training my mom's journey to 5K-ness. We went out this morning at 5:30 to do her first 25 minutes of jog/walk intervally goodness. With our dog. Which is promising because I would love to run with Sophie on days where I don't have a running partner. Also, I am really excited to run a 5K with my mommy! It feels good to inspire people. I wish my sister would run too. When I ask her to start with me she avoids me like I'm going to give her The Running Flu instead of the swine flu. LOL.

Imagine running being contagious?

Last night's Biggest Loser Marathon challenge got me so hyped up. I wanted to run a marathon right then and there! I think I will have to wait a while though because of my friend's knee. For now I want to enter a lot of 5K's and get faster.

I did it!

2009-05-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

It poured the ENTIRE time, my pace sucked because I wasn't going to take off from my friend (her knee started killing her at about mile 5 so we run/walked it), but it was, for the most part, fun despite the things stacked against the race actually being fun. Sometimes with running the fun part is the misery. If you don't understand....you're probably not a runner, and therefore probably semi normal. LOL.

But yay! I has medal! And sore legs. I just had the best shower of my life. Port-a-potties make my soul cry.

We were running ten minute miles until mile 5! Oh, what could have been. But I'm happy we did it together. I grabbed both my friends' hands as we ran across the finish.

Race ready!

2009-05-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

The lawn of racing accouterments! Leaving at 5AM...I need to sleep! So nervous/excited. I'll let you know how it was.

4 days 'til 1/2 Marathon

2009-04-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Now that it's hot out I splurged and got myself an iPod armband. It's pink and cute and supposedly $2.5o went toward breast cancer research so there's my good deed of the day, especially considering I got the results of a breast sono I did a few weeks ago and though I have lumps in my breasts, they are not cancerous. Good news for me! I didn't really mention it until now because I didn't want to talk about it really.

I've never been in a BIG race before so I am nervous as all hell but I think it will be a blast. I will have to update sometime during the week with my running accouterments.

Guns

2009-04-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

I wore that dress today! And I didn't start a fire with my thighs, LOL.

Utter Hell.

2009-04-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

I was SO happy. It felt too good to be true. I should have realized....that usually means it IS too good to be true.

Nabisco graham crackers. I have been really stressed out lately and also really short on time and sleep. I just came upstairs from watching Biggest Loser, taking time out of my sleep schedule to do so...and I've had about 11 graham crackers today in total, which I thought was only 2 crackers above one 130 calorie serving. Turns out I read the Nutritional Facts wrong. That "just over a serving" I had turns out to be 5.5 servings, which is 715 calories. I have eaten 10-11 full cracker sheets at least 4 times in the past week and a half. No wonder I am up a crazy amount....and I also just realized there is partially hydrogenated oil (trans fat) in the ingredients, plus corn syrup.

No wonder I have been weighing 180 or 181 in the mornings. I have honestly been feeling so frustrated lately.

I worked 3 hours on a diet analysis project of which 1.5 hours was spent on this program...and when I went to save the .pdf files onto my flash drive the computer in my school's library just shut off and restarted, wiping all my data. This is on top of realizing I am averaging a C in that course despite working my ass off and despite that class being 3.5 hours long...it's a once a week course...but STILL. 3.5 hours to sit still in a chair and take notes is an incredible task for me.

I feel like crying. I think I'll go and do that. These next two weeks are going to be hell.

Half Marathon Trial Run!

2009-04-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out how to use the nike plus webpage (after a whole MONTH of having the sensor, lol). In my defense, I had cookies enabled and I didn't realize nikeplus.com doesn't like firefox, and I have a mac so I had to make safari my preferred browser. OMG, the web features makes it EVEN BETTER! I am in so much love with this thing you have nooooo idea. I love love love that you can see how fast each mile was. I'm a little confused though--it told me my fastest mile during the 13 miles was 9'53 (!!) but it says 10'49 up there. Oh well! It's still pretty awesome. It allows me to see how fast I run over a long distance. Apparently I run pretty evenly, which means that I have a good perception of effort.

Stats for 13.1 mile run:

Time: 2:29'28"

Avg pace: 11:23 min/mile

Calories: 1750

My favorite song to run to as of late? "Till I collapse" by Eminem, which...like...whatever..I hate Eminem, but it is SUCH a good song to run to. Gets shit pumpin'!

We had to stop several times during the run because the farthest one of my running partners has run before was 9 miles and her legs were hurting badly at some points, but we are tapering now (only doing elliptical and light mileage) and we are hoping and praying for sub 2:15. It is definitely possible.

Update

2009-04-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

My recent subscription to Today's Dietitian, my new wallet, and my new stainless steel water bottle. Dandelions! <3

Damage control is in the works. I have gained like 7 pounds in the last few weeks due to stress, overworking myself, and getting sick. When I don't run, even for a week, I gain 5 pounds instantly. Not fair. But I realized once I got my nike plus sensor that my base mileage is 14 miles and, depending on my long runs, I am running 20-32 miles a week. I didn't even realize I was running that much! No wonder I can eat about 2,200 calories without gaining weight. I haven't been tracking calories over the past week, but there has been definite binging....

I cannot seem to get my act together food-wise. I'm thinking of re-joining weight watchers, but I don't know how helpful it will be. I just wish there was an environment where I could talk to a bunch of people on my fitness level who are losing weight face to face. I am getting so frustrated! I know I will lose a lot of weight this summer, though (I usually lose the bulk of the year's weight in the summer), and at least that is sustaining me. I am not very pleased with my eating though. I cannot seem to eat under 1,800 calories for the life of me.

The other day I ran ten miles and then did a full body workout, including a lot of work on my legs. I am an idiot! I can barely walk down the stairs in my house. My quads are KILLING me! Work tomorrow will be interesting. LOL. We are going to Atlantic City with our house residents. It should be fun but tiring and I hope the legs will hold out.

The good news is that I am prepared for the half marathon! We are doing our last training run this weekend. Actually, it's a trial run. We're going to simulate the half marathon and then take off two weeks from running, replacing our week runs with the elliptical. I'm getting really excited! I love getting free T-shirts from events, and even more, I love getting MEDALS. lololol.

D Day approaching

2009-04-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

Three weeks until my very first half marathon, the RexCorp Long Island Half. I'm nervous! The farthest distance I've run has been 12.5 miles. I know it shouldn't be a problem and I'm not looking for a certain time, but it's still nerve wracking. My family will be there. It should be a lot of fun. :)

Reality check

2009-03-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight I watched Biggest Loser with my mom, which made me really happy because I usually just watch it by myself because no one wants to watch it with me or I have it recorded with the DTV and watch it after my gym sessions (beautiful invention, the DTV). Anyway, so Nicole comes back, right? And she's trying on a wedding dress in a size 12 and I was telling my mom "wait...so I'm around her size?" and she looked pretty small to me...and I felt like I looked much much bigger. I told my mom as much and she looks at me and tells me, "you're pretty small now, Sarah". That made me feel pretty good!

It was weird...when I fit in those size 10's my friend's comment was "you're going to be a size zero when you're done". I have smaller hips than she does, so even though I weigh 25 more pounds than she does (and I'm 2 inches shoter), I'm still around her pant size. I told her I didn't feel like I looked like a size ten. I look in the mirror and still see a size 20 body. It would be nice to have my brain catch up already. XD

size ten!!!!

2009-03-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today...

my ass fit in a size ten!

I tried them on for shits and giggles, wondering how far I had to go. They fit PERFECTLY. It freaked me out! I did a little dance in the fitting room.

I didn't get them because they were 30 bucks and I always have to hem pants (I am so so short), and I just got a few pairs of size 12's, one I bought and one I got hand me down from my friend who's also losing weight. I'll get some new pants when I'm a size 8. I'm so excited! When I was a size 24 I thought I would stop when I was a size 10, but now that my goal is to be a hardcore fit gym rat I'm not stopping until I'm 15% body fat. Currently I'm still around 36-38% body fat.

I CANNOT believe I am a size 10!

Down 80+ pounds!

2009-03-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

I haven't weighed in a while.

I just hopped on the scale.

174!!! 5 pounds to the 160's? CRAZY.

I am down 82.4 pounds :) I am losing weight so painfully slowly, but...that's just how it's always been for me. I am convinced it's better this way because I will keep it off.

My size 12's....are BAGGY on me. That simply blows my mind, to tell you the truth. And I bought a watch last week....which I had to take to a jeweler so that I could have links taken out because my wrist was too small for the watch.

I'm getting a broccoli rabbe panini to celebrate. LOL.

Update

2009-03-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been sort of MIA. School, work, and other things have sort of prevented me from being at the computer. Most of the time I'm just too tired to write anything.

I've been doing well, though. I got myself a nano iPod and nike plus and I am loving it. I did an 8 mile run last Saturday with it and I am happy to report that I averaged an 11 minute mile, completing the 8 miles in 1 hour and 29 minutes. When I did the Chris Hoban run in September of 2008 I averaged a 12:32 min/mile and I completed the 5 miles in an hour and 2 minutes. I'm not sure if that's a big difference, but I'll take it. :)

I can run an 8.0 on the treadmill for over a minute. That, to me, is pretty cool. On an incline, as well. Hm.

I'm going to a muay thai class on Saturday. That should be fun. Wheeee. I was told I wouldn't be able to move after it.

Yoga, Half Marathon Training

2009-03-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

My yoga class is KICKING my ass. Actually, it's killing my quads more like it, which is good because I have some super thunder thighs. I will happily murder them, haha.

Who's over the winter? I am definitely trying hard not to drag my feet around. Every time it's a nice day I bring out my new Spring purse. Desperate much? Though, after the spring comes the summer, and I have some not-s0-fond memories of puking gatorade like no one's business when it was 95 degrees and I had just run 5 miles.

I am soooo sore from Wednesday's speed work + yoga. 45 minutes of going from speed walking to all-out sprints? No joke. Possibly harder than running 10 miles. 2 hours of yoga? Serious business.

I'm doing the Long Island 1/2 in May. Yay! About time, huh?

2009-03-09T19:42:00.001-07:00

I love my job. Everything else in my life, including friends, is stressing me out recently, though. This is strange for me.

I am getting sick of the strict bodybuilding diet. I think it was too many calories for me. My personal trainer dumped me. I have a lot of things to stress out about now that Bio class has started. I want things to be less complicated than they are but wishing and wanting only makes me depressed. I want to go with the flow more, though...it just isn't happening and I don't know why.

Stressstressstressssssssssssssssssssssss.

I am 179.

I am starting to feel run down from how hard I am trying to trick my body. I am also starting to resent running....If I run, I maintain...If I don't, I gain. There is no loss. My body has gotten used to running, so I may as well just not even count it as exercise.

Protein woes

2009-03-01T13:59:00.000-08:00

I went to my local supermarket today and was brainstorming more ways of getting in more protein. It's tough when you don't like meat too much. I'm not a vegetarian, but I sort of eat like one. I've just started eating deli turkey for the protein and it's actually not bad. I've started to look forward to my sandwiches, actually.

I'm having a really tough time transitioning to this type of diet. Sometimes I swear I have borderline OCD, which I will not really go into because I'm obsessive in a lot of areas of my life, but change is incredibly hard for me, and this is a really big leap from how I was eating. I lost 70 pounds by eating the things I love in moderation...so if I wanted ice cream, I would have it...just have less. Well, this diet plan is very very strict. I am not allowed to cheat AT ALL until I get down to my goal weight. I am sure life will intervene and I will cheat somewhere, but then I will have to get right back on track. I have a lot of willpower...but that is a tough thing to accept. Eating the way I did, however, contributed to my excess skin problem (too many carbs contributed to my daily intake, not nearly enough protein). So any time I cheat I really have to think about the damage I already made and what I have to do to correct it......it really feels like punishment a lot of the time, though.

I've been feeling incredibly bitter for the past few weeks. What I have to keep reminding myself, though, is that I am not like everyone else. Many people can eat whatever they want in moderation and keep losing weight....but not me.

So I bought a bunch of high protein things at the supermarket and hopefully I will lose something next week. I've decided to train with the personal trainer for another two months and see where that takes me...after that...I'll see.

Frustrated

2009-02-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

I have not lost weight in two weeks. At all. I am fluctuating between 179.5 and 181.5 and I am frustrated, depressed, and stressed. I am paying so much money for this trainer..we are currently playing around with my calories, and he wants me to drink a gallon of water a day now...religiously...I am getting tired of waking up at 5:30am, doing so much exercise...and then not dropping a pound or even losing some body fat. I am in a smaller jean size but the body fat is still the same and so are my inches. I do not get that at all. What the hell is going on? I have wanted to scream all week. I just keep thinking that it's not fair that I have to work this hard and I am not seeing any results. I realize I have not been doing this for that long...but I expected, at least, to see my body fat drop a bit...if not the weight. I don't get why the first week I dropped 6 pounds...then the second and third week I dropped not a damn thing, weight or fat...

Am I just stressing about nothing? Right now I just feel like I am wasting my money...160 bucks a month is not cheap...and sometimes I feel like the trainer doesn't really care about me as a person....then I wonder....I had to stop taking my birth control....so i've been without a hormone regulation for two weeks now....and it coincides with my inability to lose weight....and I have severe menstrual issues without the pill....I don't know...I am just sick of being fat and I want to be done already...I don't understand why I am having such a hard time. I work my ass off..

size 12!

2009-02-24T10:43:00.000-08:00

I am officially a size 12 in multiple pairs of jeans now. I was stuck in between a 12 and 14 for a while and I was tired of the sag-ass. No more sag-ass for now! LOL.

Material Culture

2009-02-18T07:14:00.000-08:00

I forgot my Shuffle in the pocket of my workout hoodie from Saturday and fucking WASHED it. Now, of course, it doesn't work.

Fucking balls. Oh well, I'm just going to get a really cheapo mp3 player for my runs, then. Same shit, cheaper than a Shuffle. The thing that sucks is that my mom got it with her work discount from her old job and she put the inscription "Run Sarah Run" on it. I hate attaching sentimental value to things, but I do it a lot. I have a hoodie from 8th grade that I've held onto even though the zipper is sort of broken (and it fits like it fit in 8th grade now, whoo) and I have kept a Renaissance Faire t-shirt that my father got me when I was eleven. It's been a little hard to part with some items of clothing as I've lost weight and they've gotten too big for me....I still have the dress I wore to my father's funeral/graduation, but I did give up the pants that I bought in Spain. I loved those pants, and even though they were a size 22 I wore them until I was a size 16 even though the fabric gathering at my waist from the belt cinching was ridiculous, LOL.

Giving away clothes is a fairly recent thing for me, as I was the same size for a long time. I started gaining weight in the middle of 8th grade and by the middle of 9th grade I was a size 20 and remained a size 20 until a few months before I went to Spain. I lost some weight accidentally in Spain and then when I got back I gained 50 pounds the last two years of college, mostly due to stress eating and severe depression...and that's when I became a size 24. Actually, I stopped wearing my 22's and wore sweats and knew I was probably more than a 22, and then when I had to get a dress and pants for my father's funeral that's when I became aware of how big I was, compounded with the fact that my family was utterly shocked at how big I had gotten. But anyway...yes, the point is that material things shouldn't be a big deal but they sometimes are, which is a bit sucky.

I get my first paycheck on Thursday. 200 of those dollars goes to Cintia for paying for the trainer for both of us and a haircut for my sister at the same salon I went to (she paid for mine last week and our deal was she would pay for mine and I would pay for hers). The rest will go to a watch my mother has been lusting for and refuses to buy for herself. It feels really good that I can do things like this now!

By the way, I was really excited the other day because I looked in my full length mirror and saw more definition in the backs of my arms and even some definition in my BACK! I can see my scapula now! I have never seen my scapula before! It's almost as exciting as when I started to see my collarbone, which I show off constantly now. ;)

Dumbo

2009-02-16T22:09:00.001-08:00

The other day I went to Bagelicious, a deli I go to on the weekend to get bagels for my mother and sister. I happened to be there with my sister and Cintia, and one of the guys behind the counter takes a look at me and starts asking me how much weight I've lost, because he said he was enjoying watching me lose it, which was a little strange but I was flattered I guess so I told him how much I lost and Cintia tells him how much she lost (it was pretty empty in the store).

I never know what people are going to say. This guy...I KNOW he meant well, but he told me, and I quote, "you were a real dumbo."

Ok, I know I was really big and now I'm not so big, but does that really give you license to say that? It really offended me for some reason. I know I shouldn't care, especially because I'm not that size anymore....but...I don't know...I don't think people really understand what it's like to have been that big. People say things all the time--little things--that rub me the wrong way about obese people. I'm still obese, and I'm right there...be a little more sensitive. I feel like people really believe that they have a RIGHT to treat overweight people like crap. I'm sorry, but I am 20X healthier than most of the "skinny" people I know.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

Today I gave myself a little treat and got my hair cut. Nothing major--just a layer job and a sidebang but WOW, what a difference.

I hope you all had wonderful Valentine's days! I usually treat today as "just another day", but why not do a little self love? I'm single...why not?

179.5!

2009-02-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

I checked it on my scale 15 times. It's true!

I have lost 6 pounds this week! I get weighed in with my trainer on Sunday, but he weighs me with my sneakers on, so we'll see what it is.

I was a little depressed in the beginning part of the week. I've been trying on some things, hoping they'd feel a little looser, and to my dismay they felt tighter around my thighs and arms. Then my friend pointed out to me that I've been weight lifting, so duh my clothes would fit tighter in those places. I am down a notch with both my belts, so that makes me happy.

It's kind of surreal, being this weight. I know I still have a long way to go, and I know that the last 50-60 pounds will be very difficult, but I don't think I ever thought I'd e at this number when I started. Hell, I was starting to think that my body didn't want me out of the 180's. I will say, I thought I would look a lot better at this weight than I do, but part of that has to do with the loose skin.

Like most people who have lost a significant amount of weight, everything below the shoulders looks like crap on me (I can pick up my stomach and hold it up near my ribcage), but at least I've got some delts going on! I may save up for surgery to remove excess skin...scary thoughts...we'll see how this all comes together. I'm losing weight nicely with the trainer. Turns out I was eating way too little for what I was doing. Weight Watchers is just not good for people who do vigorous exercise/strength training, and I've been frustrated for months (maybe even a year?) with Weight Watchers and the leaders at my center because they kept telling me I could only eat 4 of my activity points. It's kind of depressing, because I like WW a lot, but I lost the first 70 pounds with WW so I am happy--I got a lot out of it, but now it's time to evolve. Like a pokemon. I suppose I was Sars and now I'm....The Sarsinator. XD

Scale

2009-02-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

I saw 181.5-182 on the scale today. Let's hope that sticks and goes down tomorrow. :3

My Daily Eating Plan

2009-02-09T12:23:00.001-08:00

My daily eating plan has me consuming a crazy amount of protein. Over 200 grams. And almost 2,100 calories. Today I'm consuming around 1,900 and 200 grams of protein. Lots of chicken, eggs, and yogurt. Hopefully the weight will just fall off now. My trainer told me I wasn't eating enough, and I was only getting 50-60 grams of protein, 80 at the most.

Writing things down really gives me a headache, especially if I have to do calculations, so I better see results. ;)

2009-02-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

Met with the trainer today.

Apparently I didn't lose anything, but GAINED body fat, which doesn't even make any sense. :(

Need to gain a pound of fat real quick?

2009-02-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.baskinrobbins.com/Nutrition/product.aspx?Category=Beverages&id=BV309

Srsly, that is outrageous. 900 calories from fat?! How is that justifiable? It's not!

Ridiculousness aside, I've been a busy little bee lately. School, job, workouts. I started training with a personal trainer recently. It's only once a week that we meet up, but he gives homework and focuses mainly on nutrition, plus I can text him on his cell whenever if I have questions or concerns, and it's only $35 a week. I can do that. Hopefully. I really want to get my body fat down. It's 38.5% as of now, but by the end of the year I want it to be at least 20. We'll see.

progress?

2009-01-27T06:54:00.000-08:00

I see a difference...do you?

I was looking at myself in the mirror earlier and I was shocked. My body has changed in the past few weeks. Not much is showing on the scale, but I know things are shifting because I look tighter. I used to be very much an apple, and now I think I look almost proportionate.

I love that shirt, btw. I think I can almost wear it out at this point. Shirts are always a strange thing. Even if it looks nice from the chest up, I have to go up a size because of the loose skin around my tummy. When I suck in I see baby abs, though! Which is very promising!

Motivation, Success, and Helping People Realize Dreams

2009-01-26T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a really great day. I started out kind of sleepy, kind of unwilling to go out to the gym and push myself to do my 6 mile run, but it ended up being a really positive experience.

Me and my friend Cintia, we're best friends and we always push ourselves to be better people. She's an amazing person and I am happy that I have her in my life. Without her, and without you guys who are there supporting me, I don't think I would have gotten as strong-willed as I am today.

Well, now we've kind of taken it on as our mission to help people around us who want the help. Cintia's sister Maggie has started running and going to the gym with us, and last night when we did the 6 mile run, she came with us. She's gotten to 5 miles before, but she's never run 6 miles, and that last block we all ran together was really awesome and it felt really rewarding to see her smile and tell us that we made a difference and pushed her to a new level. Her boyfriend's sister might even start running with us. We'll be signing up for a half marathon in May soon, and I'm excited.

I had a great idea the other day when I was walking home from this training program for work. I want to run and raise money for the place I work for. It's called The Guild for Exceptional Children, and it has a number of day programs and housing facilities all geared toward the care and education of men, women, and children with developmental disabilities. I'm in the very beginning stages of going around to friends and family and talking about it, but I hope it can become a reality.

My resting heart rate :D

2009-01-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't done one of these in a while. :) The first time I checked at this machine my resting heart rate was about 80 and my blood pressure was a little over normal.

Hardcore

2009-01-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

Holy crap. For the past few weeks I've been doing things like running when it's 10 degrees with a windchill in the negatives, or running while it's snowing (it's warmer while it snows), and pumping iron. I'm wondering if my arms have any definition yet. One of the things I want to happen with the lifting of weightage is for my arms to shrink up and look tighter. We'll see! I am excited though. The guys at the gym are impressed with me and my friend. Pretty awesome. At first I was apprehensive about the gym, but now I love it, especially if my friend is there and we trade off doing machines or using the free weights. Now that I'm more familiar with things I feel less weird. That machine that works your inner thighs will always make me feel weird though, sorry. LOL.

I felt so energized after running while it was snowing last night. Especially when I was going downhill and it felt like I was flying through a magical forest. I was running by the golf course, and with the snow accumulating on the branches everything looked sparkly. Absolutely breathtaking. You should all try it. Dress warm, though! You'd be surprised how little you feel the cold if you push yourself hard enough and have something that covers your ears and hands. :)

Unofficial celebration!

2009-01-14T12:17:00.000-08:00

I am unofficially down 75 pounds. I've been here before (before the holidays), but I am going to stay here and go even lower this time! 170's here I come! I've been in the 180's for MONTHS now.

got it!!!

2009-01-08T18:02:00.001-08:00

I got the job :)

Spoiled Brat

2009-01-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

Yay, I just got back from the gym. :) I have to pat myself on the back because I was fiddling around with the bars today. My friend can't lift anything heavy or run until Sunday so we haven't started lifting together, but I've started acquainting myself with which machines work for me and which don't and how much weight I have to start out with. I also started running again, though I'm still not 100% and it's going to take a little while to get back to where I was. Most of it is mental, though. I can feel myself holding back.

I have my second interview tomorrow, so I'm excited/nervous, but word is that everyone who works in the home is saying that I am starting, so that means I got the job, I think. The interview might just be a formality for the manager to meet with me. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle it...did I bite off more than I can chew? I don't know. I guess I'll see. I can't psych myself out before I even start. That's not a good way to be. I just know it's going to be very difficult, especially with school. I have never worked and gone to school full time before and I'm a spoiled brat. The idea of having so much responsibility with these people who are going to be counting on me is scary. There, I admit it. XD

Momentum

2009-01-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

That's the title for Weight Watchers' new program, and it's what I'm building back up now.

I weighed in Saturday at my center at 186 pounds. I've gained three pounds since November, which really isn't that bad considering I haven't been running very often and eating too much. I was maintaining until the end of November hit and with all the end of semester stress and the holidays those three pounds crept back on, but I look at it as a victory because this time last year I had gained ten pounds back, threw my diet out the window for finals, and had to struggle to reel myself back in. How beautiful it is that I have learned how to maintain!

I'm mostly over the flu now, and I went to the gym twice last week despite still being stuffy and achy. I'm glad I went. I got a little familiar with what's there and how to do things, and now the real fun begins. LOL. My friend is going to weight train with me. We do everything weight-loss related together. I love her to death. I don't talk about her a lot because she's not really an Internet-type person, but she's been a wonderful friend and supporter. I was doing this on my own until she started with me and she's lost forty pounds. We run together and now we're doing the gym thing together.

I'm excited about this new year. Things are starting to fall into place for me. I feel like I've matured so much in these past two years, but particularly this past year. It's amazing to me; I'm so proud of myself.

My friend (the same girl I train with) went with me today to fill out an application at a center for the education and caretaking of those with mental limitations. I'm not exactly sure what the correct word for it is, but I know what the wrong words are. I met with a few different people today and I got an immediate interview. It looks like they need people and the woman who hires really liked me, so she said I'd be a good fit at one of their homes. I would have loved to be a substitute at their school for special education children, but I have crazy school hours next semester. If I do get it, and I strongly think I will, it will be really tough next semester. School, gym, eating right, and caretaking. Sounds crazy to me, but I think I can do it if I work hard and don't let myself slip in any one thing. 2009, the year I stop being lazy! LOL.

So, that's what's up with me. I'm meeting with the manager of the house I was fitted with on Thursday and if I'm liked, I'll do paperwork and get my background checked. All that lovely stuff. Wish me luck!

Starting Off the New Year

2008-12-30T17:03:00.000-08:00

I realize now that I'm sitting down to type this that I didn't tell you guys that I was going away for Christmas. I appreciate all the people who have been reading and commenting on this blog. It means a lot to me. I promise I will post more now that I have this month off from school. Yay for Winter break!

I just joined a gym today! Actually, it was virtually the only thing I did all day. On the flight home from Arizona I had this awesome fever and diarrhea combo going on and all of today I was pretty much stumbling to the bathroom or passed out, though I did manage to read some, which was nice. It always feels so nice when I can read for pleasure. As an English M.A. student all I usually get to do is read several books at once, none of which I ever really want to read.

Which brings me to my life changing career move. You're looking at the blog of a future Nutritionist! I start Round 1 of my list of prerequisites next semester, and once I'm done with those I can apply for the M.S. itself, which prepares you for an internship and the test to become a R.D. (registered dietitian).

Holiday break was good, aside from getting the flu at the tail end of it. I did manage to get a run in, but most of my other exercise was accidental. Mall walking and museum walking, that kind of thing. I weighed myself this morning and I seem to have lost some, but I'm still up from my last official weigh in of 183 pounds.

I did, as I said, join the gym today, though. Is $149 plus a $20 membership fee good for a full year? I've been told that it is, and the gym looks pretty good, so. I wish the free weights didn't start at 12 pounds, though, but I guess I'll use the weight machines for now. It'll be nice, though, as I really need to work on toning up and building muscles. And the treadmills will be nice for now because I turn into a wuss when I have to run in the cold. XD

Want to know what I ate today? Left over rice (I don't even think it made up 1/2 a cup), half a glass of milk, one of those single serve cups of apple sauce, and a chilidog and fries. LOL, so healthy. I'm so sick, though. Take pity on me.

Picking myself up

2008-12-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

Hey there. I've got this tea that I bought a few months ago.

Yogi Detox tea. It tastes like utter hell, but it has DANDELION and SARSaparilla in it. Dandelions are the stuff my weight loss is made of, clearly. A long time ago (holy crap, I've been at this almost 2 years) I decided that dandelions are the symbol of freedom for me. I've wished on them since I've been a wee lass and now more than ever when I see them I wish for the same ol' thing.

Anyway, today's tea string says "There is nothing more precious than the self." You may read that and think "how selfish!" but often on this journey I have needed to remind myself that taking care of myself, body and "spirit" is what will help in all areas of my life.

I'm going to detox tomorrow. Just water and detox tea. I have to finish up a paper, so it's a perfect day for it. No distractions. Maybe a light walk around the neighborhood, too.

Need to get my act together!

Sars is gonna get RIPPED

2008-11-30T16:29:00.000-08:00

Hey guys~

I'm not dead. Just busy busying myself, I guess, and feeling very hibernatey. I tend to get very depressed during the winter and so I keep to myself mostly. Working out is never a challenge for me as I can get it in various forms, but running has been a struggle lately, which sucks. My eating has gotten a bit out of control as well, but I am getting myself in order once more. I've gained a bit, but I'm sure it's just sodium from Thanksgiving. I've recently had to put two new holes into my belt. I remember when I first got this belt: it was right before the summer and I was on the first hole; it's a 2XL women's belt and now I've had to make two extra holes. I thought I'd be good with the first one, but I then had to make another because it wasn't tight enough. My size 16 pants all gather with fabric at the top of the belt now, so that's pretty awesome. My size 14's are even too big, but size 12 still doesn't feel right. I like my pants to fit kind of loose because I ride my bike in my street clothes, so size 14 and 16 it is until 12 gets a bit less form-fitting.

ALL of my pants give me the dreaded "sag ass" now, which is really very annoying; I just have no ass left over. My mother even commented on that the other day and she's not very observant, though I love her. Well, she's observant about the things I haven't done around the house versus the things I HAVE, but that's another story. Anyway, she walked past me as I was feeding our animals and she says to me: "You have really lost a lot of weight, you know; you have a tiny little butt!" Why it is that I continue to lose weight in my ass and not my stomach is a mystery to me; I could use a little more padding on my derrierre--for the pilates and biking if nothing else, but yes, for vain reasons as well.

Anyway, pilates has done my body good. I am so much more flexible now, which was an effect I wasn't really expecting, but then what is pilates but deeply stretching and flexing your muscles? Anyway, I was poking my sides the other day and to my surprise...I have muscle beneath the fat there. It's a strange experience to poke your side, go past the feeling of fat, and feel rock hard muscle. Maybe it's not so much fat but loose skin covering the muscle, which is disconcerting, but expected.

Also, I attempted 12 miles the other day again, and I was doing SO WELL. It was a great pace, my friend stuck by me, and then at around the middle of the 11th mile my entire leg seized up in the middle of the street as I was running across it and I almost fell flat on my face. I was like "I'm finnnne, I can walk this off" but it felt like a Charlie Horse and it would not unlock for another five-ish minutes; it was excrutiating. I took an ice water bath after my friend's boyfriend picked us up and I stayed over his apartment that night, which ended up being fun; I haven't hung out with her for a bit just to hang out. We're either in school or working out.

I've decided to join a gym; it's my Christmas present in fact. This will be good. I've started looking at weight lifting books and my friend's brother is willing to help us as he goes to the same gym. He's not a trainer or anything, but he is ripped and knows what he's doing, though I told him, "Look, we're girls. Don't go easy on us, but just keep that in mind." And because I'm joining the gym I'm going to drop Weight Watchers for a while.

Dude, I'm gonna get RIPPED. Hopefully.

LSD Run: 12 miles

2008-11-16T13:57:00.001-08:00

I did 12 miles today. I had to speed walk most of it because all the parks had the water shut off and I only had 18 ozs of water and a 20 oz. gatorade. Besides that, my left leg was almost entirely numb and actually fell asleep (pins and needles) for almost the entire time. Actually, over all I did 13 miles of walk/run, mostly walking. Ran the first 5 miles, speed walked the rest. Had a better time in the end than I did last week running. I don't know what the hell is up with me, but I think I might actually be too overweight for these longer runs. I was A-OK up to 5 miles and then after that I started having problems. Meh.

If anyone here is also on YouTube for weight loss, I haven't posted because I've been focusing on reading and writing lately, and also getting my workouts in. My eating has not been so good but I've nipped it in the butt, hopefully.

Saturday LSD Run: TEN miles

2008-11-09T05:04:00.000-08:00

My first run in the double digits sucked. The first few miles it felt like I was running on air and it was so lovely out at 6 AM. There was a fog in the air and it was actually pretty warm. And then at about mile 7 it started to feel like a huge struggle. I could barely move my legs by mile 9, but I kept running. I'm sure it looked like I was hardly moving. My pace was horrendous. I had to stop by my house to eat a banana and refill my water as the park has had no water in their water fountains for a week now. Grr. I also had to stop for cars and things, but still.... I'm looking at over a 3 hour half marathon if this is how I'm going to run it, and that is disappointing. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe the hills are just really hard on me, as it is SUPER hilly on the route I usually run on. It really wipes me out. I was posting much better times back in the summer when I could only run 3 miles tops. It was on the flat corkscrew track in the 90+ temperature, but still. I should be getting better. Sure, I now know I can hobble/run for almost 3 hours, but it's still upsetting. I don't just want to do things - I want to do them RIGHT. I suppose that's why I get so frustrated sometimes with my weight loss journey.

Now that I can run ten miles I can run a half marathon, but there aren't any half marathons within 50 miles for the next two months and the race schedule for next year isn't up yet. Boo.

I'm sure if I went back onto the track I'd be seeing 10 minute miles again, but the point is to train myself hard so that any race route thrown at me can be conquered. Still, ascending and descending all these hills really blows for my time and my confidence. I might as well be walking with the times I post...

It's strange. For a while I was keeping up right alongside my much slimmer friend who has been running longer than I have. I felt good about myself. Now she is wayyyyy ahead of me and no matter what I do I can't keep up for more than half an hour. I get much slower after I can no longer see her. I want to know why I was so much faster before and now I can hardly run?

This is frustrating. If I am running well, I am not losing weight. If I am running poorly, I am losing weight. Why can't I have them both?

Prefontaine

2008-11-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

I just watched the movie Prefontaine while I folded all my laundry and did some sit-ups and whatnot. I thought I might get some motivation out of it since it was about a track runner. But it's so sad! He died in his prime.

The Greeks said it was better to die in one's prime than later on in life, especially if in your prime you accomplished great things. I can see that, I guess, but it's always so tragic.

One thing I did get from it was a reinforcement in my own determination. I finally stapled the NYC Marathon course ad that was in the November issue of Runner's World to my wall, just above my bed. It says "26.2 miles of heart". I will do this. If not next year (oh please!) then the next, but it WILL happen. Who knows what will happen after that?

This weekend I'm doing my first run in the double digits. Ten miles. Ten miles of heart and sweat and determination.

Two people died in the last marathon, and, call me crazy, but I thought to myself, "what other way would -I- want to go?" I mean, out of all the shitty deaths out there, dying after completing an endurance sport you never thought you could do is pretty much up there. That's what I think, at least.

Winter Running

2008-11-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

My running pace has been reallllly slow these last two weeks. I find that I am just a lot more tired during these months. A lot lazier and depressed too. I'm fighting it. Still.

At least I get a break from running tomorrow. Running twice in a row these past two days has been really "ugh" inspiring. Still, I push through it because I know it needs to be done. When it comes down to it, I love running. I hate it at times, but most of the time I love the very idea of it and what it's doing for me, so it's all very worth it.

I saw the marathoners off yesterday on 86th street and 4th avenue, about 2 miles from the start. It was really fun and I can't wait to participate, hopefully next year.

Weigh in: November 1st, 2008

2008-11-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

Last week: 186.8
This week: 183.0
Difference: -3.8!

Almost out of the 180's. I can taste the 170's and I want it bad!

I am so excited to watch the marathon tomorrow. We're going to cheer the runners on, my friend, my mother, and I. I can't wait until I can participate!

If you need some motivation to run, rent or buy Spirit of the Marathon. It was amazing.

OMG!

2008-10-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

I just did my daily morning weigh-in on my mother's Body Fat scale.

It said 185.8, and it's usually a pound or a bit more off from the weight watchers scale, so I'm at least 184.8! Please please please let it stick! I'm going to go out bike riding by the water today and I'm intending to burn 2,000 calories, but we'll see.

Hmmm..

2008-10-29T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today was just one of those days where I was slogging through my run. My legs felt like they weighed a zillion pounds but I did complete the run.

I am hoping to lose weight this week, and so far I think I have. But we'll have to see. I know my waist line has gone down an inch. Even when I was 185.8 it was not 36", so that is really neat. We've been stepping it up in my Pilates class so that may be why my waist is looking smaller. When I suck my stomach in, I can see the barest hint of the start of a 4-pack under all the fat and loose skin, which is pretty exciting. I know I'll never have washboard abs with all the excess skin, but knowing it's under there is all right for now.

I think the reason I haven't been losing weight lately is that I kind of go crazy on the weekend and then restrict over the week. I don't think I ever catch up with restriction and exercise to what I eat over the weekend. Yikes. This weekend I will do another one day fast and then NOT eat any extra points the next day. The 35 extra points will be split up over the week. I have done that before and that is how I got down a pound finally to break the 70 pound mark.

Personally I hate tracking points, but I am miserable right now because the scale is not budging. Something's gotta give. I can't have my cake and eat it too. Not that I eat cake, but, you know...

LSD run: 9 miles

2008-10-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the Sunday run a little bit ago. All I have to say is that . . . well, I wasn't supposed to run at 8PM at night, and I certainly didn't intend to be running for that long. Ugh. It took so long. Mostly because it was around my house, where we kept having to stop and do the run in place thing while the cars went past.

Anyway, stats:

9 miles
2:28:50
1300 calories
HR AVG 144
Pace: Abysmally bad, but my friend and I were talking the whole time, and boy can we talk. Also, we called the cops on a guy masturbating in the park. LOLOL. Yeah. Running at night is interesting.

Empowering myself, one step at a time

2008-10-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

I have had a negative image of myself, particularly of my face and body since, well, forever. I was always the fat girl. I was always the girl struggling for recognition, trying to compensate with my personality but never having quite the ability to keep up the fake energy. See enough of me for too long and you start to see the things I can't cover up all the time, like the bitterness and the self loathing and the desperation, loneliness, the enormous jealousy. Fat girls are supposed to have great personalities. Fat girls are supposed to be smart. Fat girls never get the attention - they're always the sidekick, the one who will hold their skinny girlfriend's purse when she's out on the dance floor. No one can see who the fat girl is behind all her fat; all her excess pounds are a barrier she puts up between her and the world so that no one gets close enough. So that no one sees that she is screaming inside, though she pretends to be happy.

For years I have hated every single girl who has ever uttered "Ugh, I'm so fat", because usually, those girls are shapes and sizes I dream of being.

For years I have avoided mirrors. Or stared into every single one and grabbed at all my fat and cursed myself.

For years I have been seriously depressed. Hardly capable of getting out of bed. Afraid of the world around me. Avoided looking into people's eyes because I'm afraid I'll see judgment there.

I have gone on many diets.

I have starved.

I have lost tons of weight. I have gained hundreds of pounds when you add it all up together.

I have cursed the day I was born.

I have eaten until I've thrown up.

I have intentionally thrown up.

I have cried and wondered "will anyone ever love me?"

I have cried and wondered "will I ever love MYSELF?"

Well, today I did a lot of soul searching. I went on a run/walk that ended up being almost three hours long by the water.

The last two months have been really hard for me emotionally. Everyone has their good days and bad days and I am no exception, but for the last two months my days have been mostly bad. Self hate is like a snowball and the thing with losing weight the hard way is that it is extremely difficult, because believe it or not, it is actually much easier to starve. But to get the right balance of nutrition and exercise? That has been a constant struggle for me. I struggle with binging. I struggle with eating too little when I know I shouldn't. I struggle with exercising too much or pushing myself too hard and hurting myself. I struggle with balance in my life anyway.

But the point of this entry is that tonight I looked in the mirror in my bra and panties and I saw things I LIKED. I actually cried because, for once, I wasn't absolutely disgusted with what I saw, and I smiled at myself and I spun because that FELT GOOD. And in the shower I looked down and saw parts of my feet without bending at all. Standing straight as an arrow I saw some toes! It has been a LONG time.

On Sunday I'm going to run NINE miles. Last week I ran EIGHT AND A HALF.

I am excited about my health and future for the first time in forever. There are times when I feel weightless. When I feel like I'm a good person and a likable person, which is huge for me because I have always felt that I have been wrong or bad, dysfunctional in some way.

I have changed so much more than pounds can tell you, though I will always happily announce how much weight I have lost and how many pant sizes I have shed. After all, I am, as cliche as it sounds, a caterpillar trying to turn into a butterfly.

I struggle with feeling feminine. I struggle with saying with any type of assertion that I am pretty. But, I feel I have come a long way, and I can happily say that I know I will get better over time. I will always struggle with depression, but hopefully I can manage it better, and I think I have been doing that.

Anyway, I just wanted to get all of that out. I hope it was insightful for at least one person.

Long walk

2008-10-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

I ran for 35 minutes today and walked for a little over 2 hours, all by the water. I was going to run for a full hour and and walk the rest of the way, but the knee pain was bothering me. :/ I really hope it goes away . . .

Anyway, stats:

2:47:51
AVG HR: 128
Pace: 17:22
Total Distance: 9.66 miles according to Map My Run
Calories Burned: 1176

Weigh-in is tomorrow. I better see a loss!

Fast

2008-10-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

Broke my fast an hour ago. Ate dinner. Mac and cheese, two hotdogs with mustard (no buns, thank you), and corn on the cob with ICBNB (think Fabio). Ate a 2" brownie and about three tablespoons of Dublin Mudslide Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. *sigh* I wasn't going to eat until tomorrow morning, but technically it was a full day of fasting since it was 24 hours since I had last eaten. Yes, I counted sleep-fasting. I guess I could have gone on longer, especially considering the fact that both my mother and sister were oblivious to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day. I wish what I broke my fast with was more healthy, but that was what was on the menu for dinner and the ice cream and piece of brownie was probably a consequence of watching them eat an entire box of Entenman's cookies . . . after I had made them both pancakes and eggs. Ugh. It was quite hard to sit back and watch that, let me tell you.

Tomorrow will be better. Technically Saturday and Sunday are my bad days and I did see the 180's again right before dinner. The very end of the 180's, however. I must have really gained 5 pounds. Or the salt is still in there. I don't know, but I hope Monday-Friday of this week sees me getting back down to 187 at least.

I may do a fast from time to time. The next time I do it, however, I will not drink soda at all. I drank a few glasses of it only to realize belatedly that diet soda does have sodium in it. Urgh. Mostly I sucked on ice cubes and drank water and sparkling water. I had a cup of tea in the morning.

Toward the end I was getting a little dizzy when I sat up, but it was a good experience for the most part. It taught me that I have determination and that when I really want to I can call upon it.

LSD Run: 8 miles

2008-10-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

Stats:

Okay, so I did 8.5 miles instead of 8 because the first three milesI was running up and down hills but then the back of my knee started acting up, so I went to the track to make it easier on my body. I did the extra half mile to make up for the hills, I guess.

1:41:07 total (that's with stopping to pee at my friend's house, LOL)
962 calories (-_- It was like 50 degrees, I guess that's why I didn't burn many calories)
Average HR: 152
Pace: 11:53 (At mile 4 I looked down at my watch, then when I was done with mile 4 I looked again and I had finished the mile under 10 minutes. It was awesome.)
Temp: A windy, chilly, 50 degrees

Sparkling water and one day fast

2008-10-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

I am feeling somewhat better. Grocery shopping helped calm me down.

I have sparkling water! Thank you Shanti for making that video about replacing soda with sparkling water. I didn't think I could switch over to it, but I got a case and I think I'm gonna do a little soda detox. :)

I'm running 8 miles a little later on. I haven't eaten much today, but I will be eating lunch in a little bit and trying to have a regular dinner. Detoxing myself from crap is always very very hard. Tomorrow is a rest day, so I have decided that I will go one step further and only have liquids for that day. Getting on the scale today has me at a 5 pound gain. I am hoping that the 8 mile run and the fast the next day will get rid of what is probably a crazy amount of water weight. One day of fasting, from what I read, is actually good for you.

I'll probably be updating a little later on about how the 8 miles went. Seeya then.

Terrible week

2008-10-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

My worth is not defined by my weight.

My worth is not defined by my weight.

My worth is not defined by my weight.

If I keep repeating this, do you think I will stop pinching fat in the mirror and weighing myself eight billion times a day?

LSD Run: 6 miles...or not

2008-10-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

I ran 7 miles last week in a HORRIBLE time. This week the running schedule knocked it back a mile. Next week will be a new distance, 8 miles. I'm excited because I'll be running double digits soon!

Today's run:

Well, I was supposed to run 6 miles. I thought I did but according to google I only ran 5.52. That's okay because I walked an extra mile or so with the mom. She walked to my running route with me, which happens to have a dog park around it, so she stayed with my dog there while I ran around. It was cute to see my dog get all confused and chase after me. She must have thought "what a crazy human!" or something. It was still really fun to have her tail me until the end of the dog park where she couldn't follow anymore.

So, stats. All in all I did a little over 7 miles. 5.52 running, the rest walking. Here are the stats for the running part:

5.52 miles
Time: 1:05:02
Average HR: 159
Calories burned: 673
Pace: 11:46

Dude. Dude. Dude! It hasn't even been a month since the Chris Hoban run and I've already improved a LOT! The time I got for the 5 mile run was 1 hour and two minutes. My stats up there means I ran almost a half mile more in the same time it took to run the Hoban run, and it was under similar weather conditions. I was able to leave the house in just a t-shirt and capri sweats.

I am really excited that I could keep a pace under 12 minutes up for that distance. Sweet!

The only bummer of the run was that the backs of my knees started to hurt. After some poking around on forums, it seems that the tendons became inflamed. Seems like Advil will be my friend, LOL.

10/11 Weigh-in

2008-10-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

Last week: 186.8
This week: 185.8
Difference: -1!

Total Lost: 70.6!

Never been so happy to lose one freakin' pound, you guys. :)

Things to consider

2008-10-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

After losing 69.6 pounds, here are some things that have changed:

Bra: 42C/D to 36B/C
Underwear: 9 to 7/8
Shoe size: 10 to 8 1/2 or 9
Tops: 2X men's to M men's, 3X women's to L-XL women's
Jeans: 24W to 12-14
Sweats/PJs: 1X to M

And recently I've decided to increase my goal weight from 110-115 to 132. For now. I may decide to continue losing weight, but 132 puts me into the high-end healthy weight category.

According to this, when I started I had 124.4 pounds to lose (based on my new goal weight), and losing 69.6 pounds of that 124.4 puts me at over 55% done with my journey. That means that I am more than half way there. I'll still wait until I get to 183.2 to make a "Half way there!" video on YT, but still! That is exciting.

Yesterday I thought I was going to die. I'm following the "Run Marathon" training schedule from the book Marathoning for Mortals and I did my first 40 minute speed/form drill session. KILLED ME. My legs felt like jello afterwards. Crazy endorphins. :)

I Literally Saved My Life

2008-10-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

Been having a bad day.

Have been thinking a lot lately. I have been incredibly frustrated with my weight loss recently, but . . . putting things in perspective both helps and opens my eyes up to how bad I truly was when I started my journey.

I knew I had to lose weight when I started, but I don't think I truly comprehended how badly I needed to. Maybe that has been a blessing and a curse.

I started on June 2nd, 2007, just a month after my father died from a heart attack. He was 5'11", was a bit over 350 pounds, and had a BMI of a bit over 50. He was 52 years old, had been an alcoholic for almost ten years, threatened to end his life several times in front of me, my mother, and my sister, and he had many conditions as a result of his obesity - diabetes, sleep apnea, reflux, the works.

When I started my journey, I was 256.4 pounds. I'm not sure if I'm 5'0" or 5'1", but if I'm 5'0" then my starting BMI was 50, exactly. A BMI of 50 classified me as SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE. I'll write that again. SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE. That's right, I was almost as bad as those people you see on TV and shake your head at thinking "how did they let it get to THAT level?"

I'll tell you how - I had no idea I was that bad.

I was just about the same BMI as my father and I didn't think I was anywhere near as bad as he was. Part of it was, I guess, youth. Even at my heaviest weight I did not have diabetes. Sure I had been warned for years and years that I could very well get it any time, but I never developed it.

What I did have were the beginnings of sleep apnea. I had poor sleeping habits. I loved to sleep but it was often very difficult to sleep well. I never felt rested or refreshed. My snoring was an issue with every single college roommate I had. In fact, I drove roommates away with just my snoring.

But I never thought I was as bad as my father. Even when my feet swelled and it was hard to walk, I never thought I was as bad as I was.

If I had known a year ago how bad a shape I was in I don't think I would have gone on this journey. I don't know if I would have tried to go the weight loss surgery route, either. I think I would have just continued to gain weight until I finally got the diabetes I deserved and I think I would have gotten a heart attack and died just like my father.

I may have never reached 300 pounds, but I am short. A person who is 5'0" or 5'1" carrying around 256 pounds is the same as a 5'6" person carrying 300.

I may bemoan the fact that I have ONLY lost 7o pounds, but I lost this weight by myself without surgery when I was so so far into a ditch I had dug for myself.

According to the at-home scale, an 8 year old Tanita Body Fat scale mind you, I am 40% body fat. 40%. That had me crying for an hour thinking "holy crap, I think that's ACCURATE". I NEVER took that as being even REMOTELY accurate. I exercise a lot, I think I have muscles under all this fat, how could I be nearly half made of fat? It didn't seem possible to me. But now that I am accepting that it is true, I'm wondering what my body fat percentage was in the beginning, because I don't remember.

I want to do a test in one of those fancy bod pods at school, but it costs $50 and I am told Tanita scales are pretty accurate, even if this one is 8 years old.

So my point is . . . I was at death's door practically and I have turned myself around. I still have a long way to go, but I REALLY need to give myself credit for what I've done.

As much as I loved (and still love) my father, he gave up on life and died as a result. He died many years before his body finally gave up. I didn't want to be death walking. I didn't want to give up. So here I am, fighting my way out of the grave I dug myself. It seems impossible, but it's a reality.

The cold hard truth is--even though I have lost 70 pounds, I have a long way to go, but you know what? Where I am now compared to where I was really means something.

Well.

2008-10-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

According to the November issue of Runner's World, you need to cycle 3.5 miles to get the same "training effect" of running one mile.

Huh. Good to know!

Magic Lungs zomg

2008-10-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

8 months ago, I saw people running and talking and thought "Holy crap, it's magic!"

Today I did an easy 45 minutes (it was over 3 miles, but how much over I have no idea) with my running buddy and we had a conversation the whole time. It makes the time go by really quickly!

I'm performing magic! LOL

LSD Run Saturday

2008-10-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

My pace today was TERRIBLE, but I did complete 7 miles! Mostly up brutal hillage too. Today was just a really off day. Every step was a struggle and I had been up since 4 AM even though I went out to run at 6:30.

I now have a running schedule and everything. Next week is a 6 miler, which will feel pretty nice after my weak attempt at the 7 miler.

This week I lost a grand total of .2 pounds. That's for two weeks, people. Joy. I now weigh 186.8. Woo hoo. -_-

Today's Workout

2008-09-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

Speed work
20 minutes
Run/Walk intervals
139 calories
127 average HR

Bicycling
10 miles
1400 calories according to walkrunjog.net. I dunno about it being that much, but it's definitely over 1,000. I would say I was going 13MPH with a heavy tail wind.
HR unknown

I might do some more walking later on.

9/29/08 run

2008-09-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

Stats:

3.1 miles
39:25:34 time
356 calories
147 HR average
12:43 pace average

I also did a TON of house work today in preparation for my aunt arriving tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my speed work. I should have just rested, but I really felt up for a run and I feel pretty good. :)

Today's LSD Run

2008-09-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't take any drugs before I went out to run. The LSD run is the Long Slow Distance run.

I intended to do about 5.5 miles today, but I did 6 miles instead. I don't have a pedometer, so, yikes. But I feel pretty good and a one mile increase after a month or so of improving my time at 5 miles is pretty good.

Here are my workout stats for today:

Walk - 2 miles, long warm up and cool down, LOL
Run -
6 miles
1 hour 16 minutes
830 calories
164 HR average
Pace: 12:44 min./mile (not bad for there being a lot of traffic)

And it was POURING about 3 miles in and has not let up since. There was also a lot of traffic at one point, so I would say my pace was pretty good. Long and slow and steady. :)

Oh, and my mom started the Couch to 5K program today along with my dog Sophie! Awesome stuff. She's 52 but she's done the NYC Century Bike Race a few times and rides 12 miles on her bike to and from work every day.

Training Schedule

2008-09-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

A few of you have expressed an interest in my training schedule. For now it looks like this:

Monday, Wednesday:
Bike - 6 miles, Pilates - 40 minutes
Tuesday:
Run - Easy 3-4 miles (miles will change as Sunday runs become longer)
Bike - 6 miles
Thursday:
Long bike ride, miles variable
Friday:
3-4 miles, moderate pace 2 miles, 10 min. pace 1-2 miles
Saturday:
Rest or walk
Sunday:
Long distance run (increase of 1/2 mile each week - this Sunday is 5.5 miles, next Sunday is 6)

This is subject to change, of course.

Plateau

2008-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I weighed myself on my at home scale this morning and since it read the exact same weight as it read the week before, I decided not to go to Weight Watchers. I suppose I really should have gone for the support of the meeting, but I know what I have to do.

I have to cut my calories again. Insert groans here, please.

Maybe I should log all of my food for this week--be really strict, and see where that takes me.

I want to be 181.4 by the end of October. Ideally I would like to be less, but 181.4 = 75 pounds lost.

I was fiddling around with Cool Running's Pace Calculator last night and pouted a bit when I saw half marathon and marathon predictions. I need to get faster and more efficient! I have a year, but right now everything feels so stagnant because of this plateau. I hate plateaus. I tried measuring myself to make myself feel better, but my inches haven't really changed since last month. Is that possible? I have lost weight. I work out 5X a week, sometimes 6. I look in the mirror and I feel like I look different?

Frustrated. Very frustrated.

It's raining, it's pouring

2008-09-26T05:04:00.000-07:00

It's pouring and my running buddy is sick! Oh no. I was supposed to go running with her in half an hour, but that's not going to happen. I'm going to wait until the rain lets up. I've run in the rain before, but it started raining while I was already running and "in the zone". Nothing can stop "the zone". Going out into it? That is quite different, LOL.

I weighed myself just now and I am STILL at a plateau. I have exercised hard 5 days in a row so far and it's actually a blessing that it's pouring because my legs feel so so heavy, like lead weights. And there is lots of creaking going on. Perhaps it's time for a day of rest and catching up on my reading.

I really hope I lose more than .2 at my WW meeting on Saturday. Yes, I lost .2 last week, when I hadn't gone the week before. The .2 was for two weeks. And I've been busting my butt. Ah well . . . maybe I should cut back on the protein shakes. I have one every morning. But they're so tasty . . . that makes me sad.

My first tempo run, unexpectedly

2008-09-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

I went running today with a friend. Unbeknownst to me she decided it was 10 min./mile time and I pooped out after one time around the Dyker Beach Golf course (2.17 miles), but holy crap you guys! I keot up a 10 min./mile pace for over 2 miles! That is exciting. I was wondering why I was struggling and my legs were getting tired. I thought I was just tired from biking all week to school, which I guess played a role in my legs being tired, but jeeze.

I was just very happy that I was able to keep up with her. She's usually faster than me. Not today! We kept at the same pace.

Bike miles this week: 18
Running miles this week: 7.17

Tomorrow morning we're doing a long distance run . . . 5.5 miles. I wanted to do 6, but slow steps are better. I think we might also squeeze in a few more miles on Sunday.

Potentially looking at a 15.6 mile week for runs, 33.6 miles overall.

Told you I was hardcore. ;)

Oh! Plus I did Pilates twice this week. Good core strength workouts.

Chris Hoban pictures!

2008-09-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

Two professional photos taken at the race, showing off my crappy form, LOL.

First Post

2008-09-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this, welcome! This blog will be all about my journey to getting fit, losing weight, and participating in the NYC Marathon, possibly next year. Yikes! I have a lot of training ahead of me! But that's okay--I'm armed with books, the interwebs, plenty of support, and a best friend who is also my weight loss and running buddy. :)

What you can expect to find here are weekly weigh-ins and training reports, as well as race reports as they come.

On Sunday I did my very first running race. It was a local race honoring the memory of a cop who died in the line of duty. It was a great first race--lots of camaraderie, lots of spirit, and my mom even went to cheer me on! It was an amazing feeling--my friend and I didn't stop once and we even kept at the same pace for the entire race.

Now that I have my first race under my belt, I'm looking to train for a half marathon. In the meantime, I expect to participate in lots of 5K races. More on those as I sign up for them.

If you want to see my results for the Hoban Run, you can click here. I'm #496. A 12:32min/mile pace is not bad, right?

Now that I've got my first race under my belt, I've been looking into improving my form, so after rooting around the internet I've discovered that I'm a heel striker and I need to correct this ASAP before I start doing LSD runs (Long Slow Distance).

I went out today with the intention to practice forefoot running (striking down on the ground with the balls of your feet FIRST before touching the heel to the ground), but I ran into a few issues and needed to come home hanging my head with defeat. First, it automatically made me run much faster than I am used to so I couldn't control my breathing the way I wanted to, and second, I was wearing loose sweatpants. I had no idea just how loose until I started running and was almost pantsed by gravity. Argh. Next time will be different!

When I talk about runs here I will talking about my usual running routes (Ft. Hamilton running track, Dyker Beach Golf Course, and around Caesar's Bay). Oh, and I may also talk about biking as I have recently picked it up. I ride my bike to and from school, which winds up being about 1 hour and 20 minutes round trip. I do that 3X a week, and usually run 2-3 times a week.

Whoever's reading, I hope you get something from this blog. :)